Yesterday - Short Story

Some days are memorable for several reasons. Others don’t need any reasons at all. They are stand alone grand in its beginning and magnificent in its ending. Yesterday was one such day. It was like piece-de-resistance drama. Though he just happened to be the lead in the story, it didn’t really matter who played which role, the combined effect of everyone and everything put together created the theatrical extravaganza of a day.

The Morning:

There were just two rooms and four people were already fighting for their own spaces with their own furniture and stuff lying around the house. The late-comings were well overdue and to top it all, he was still taking a stroll in the dream park. A bolt of lightning woke the devil out of him. A sudden realization that the day had already begun, sprang him up to his feet. He bumped into his shoes thrown about carelessly last night, before reaching the bathroom. It was one of the quickest showers he ever had. Perhaps the fastest he ever brushed as well. He did feel nausea for no apparent reason but the time constraint made him neglect it. He went hopping around the rooms, making desperate attempts not to wake up the dozed souls yet getting ready as fast as possible. Five minutes and he was done. Ran out of the house like a thief and walked the roads like in a walkathon. Finally, the famous dilli auto-wallahs were in sight and he knew there was no way he could fight today. So, he relented to the price they wanted him to pay. The line, ‘Jaldi chalna bhaiya’ was followed to the ‘T’ by the auto-wallah. Never mind the man who was almost hit while he was crossing the road and the ‘gaaliyas’ he launched at the auto or the car at the crossing trying to move to the right side, inching ahead every few seconds only to be halted abruptly by the ‘Jaldi..’ auto. Oh yes! He hauled some more expletives, but he didn’t really care as long as he reached on time.


But half-way the uneasiness got the better of him. The nausea took over and erupted in a matter of few minutes. The ‘Jaldi...’ auto-wallah now turned into the ‘Chhi...’ auto-wallah. Somehow, getting some water from the auto-wallah, he cleaned his mouth and after few minutes he had reached his office. Bargaining with one’s health was not such a good idea. He found this out as soon as he stepped into his office. The nausea was making him dizzy. A quick sms to the boss and he was on his way back home again.

The Afternoon:

Thankfully, the journey back was much less ‘eventful’ than the journey to his office. It took few swift turns and a driver more than happy to accelerate to reach home. The only hitch, if it could qualify as one, was the fact that the driver was a bit too loud and overzealous. He got to know the driver had been a driver for the last 5 years. He came to Delhi from Punjab where his family lives. He has an elder brother, married with a child who lives separately in North Delhi while he stays with other auto-drivers in Sangam Vihar, South Delhi. On weekends, more precisely on Sundays he heads north to spend some time with his brother and his 5 year old nephew. He hopes for bigger things for his nephew and for his own children once he gets married. The drive halted at that point of the conversation, one-way conversation. He paid the driver, exchanged smiles and headed up to his home.

A few knocks on the door, a surprised reaction, 4-5 steps to his bed and he was dead. He felt so exhausted by this simple exercise. What made it all worse was the inability to sleep or rest properly. He went in and out of sleep through half the day. A huge cooler was brought in by his brother and friend. An electrician-cum-plumber came in and fixed the kitchen light and the kitchen tap which had been dripping for ages. The electrician-cum-plumber also diagnosed the silence of the door bell as well. It needed a new bell. Thereafter the consciousness started to slip out and all he remembered was flashes of his friend and his brother going in and out of the bathroom.

The Evening:

The phone rang loud. He thought why no one was picking it up when it should have been done so ideally since it was his dream. It went silent and he was relieved that he could manipulate his dreams and remain there undisturbed for some more time. The phone rang again. This time it felt much louder. Few rings later he was up from his sleep and reached for the phone. It was his brother calling him up from office about his sister. She wasn’t at home. He told him. He got up and found the door locked from outside and knew that she had gone out somewhere nearby. Shoes and newspapers and clothes were spread around the house, on the bed and on the floor. He felt a sudden pang of hunger and went through the contents of the fridge. Biscuits, cookies, bread, last night’s leftovers, so much option to choose from. Instead he took few sips of coke and a cookie.

Soon the TV was on. There wasn’t anything interesting coming on any of the channels except for a movie which he had caught the first hour of the night before. While he was watching the Spanish thriller ‘King of the hill’ (El Rey De La Montaña), his sister came back. She had a plan of meeting a friend for dinner. He watched the movie while surfing other channels in between breaks. She soon got ready and left around 7pm. After a while he went to his room and went online trying to find someone or something interesting to while away his time. Outside the rain had begun its play. Completely unaware of the of it, he just surfed through his mails and some interesting websites. One was interestingly titled, ‘Shorts’, not about the wearable shorts but about short films, one of his areas of interest. The site gave details about short film competitions and synopsis of several shorts from around the world. He also stumbled upon some cool blogs.

The Night:

The sound of the rain reached his ears and he got up to check if it really was raining. It had been a dry spell for several weeks now even though the monsoon was supposed to set in way before. When he reached the balcony, the sight just overwhelmed him. The whole street below to as far as he could see was waterlogged. People who were moving about had to wade through almost knee-deep water. There was no way anyone could come to his house without soaking their feet or shoes and pants. He had just recovered from cold and as much as he wanted to he decided not to revel in the rain drops. So, it was back to some more internet surfing and browsing through some other cool sites. After almost an hour of doing so, he relented to his ‘rain-call’ and got up and going. Changed into his shorts and a vest, locked the door and climbed up to the terrace. Standing at the exit door of the terrace he felt the few drops of rain splatter on his face. Soon he was out soaking himself in the rain. But it was too cold and he felt his body shiver, so he decided to get back in and just watch it from the door. He really didn’t want to get sick. As it is he had already fallen sick today.

He dried himself up the first thing he got back into the house. While he was doing so someone knocked on the door. It was Julia, his two-time ex-girlfriend. They had first dated around a year back. Three weeks later they were off each other and were hardly seen or heard talking about the other. No one knew why they broke up. Her friends thought he was too poor in bed. His friends thought she was a man-eater, which of course they secretly liked her for but hated her guts in front of him. This was at his first work place. After six months they met together at a common friend’s engagement party. They re-connected again. She had just broken up with her boyfriend. He had just lost his job. They began seeing each other again pretty soon after that night. Just a week back they had broken up again. Tonight she was here at his doorstep, water dripping off her hair, soaking wet and cold. He got her a towel to wipe herself dry and also offered his sister’s tracks and pullovers to keep her warm. She didn’t say much at all. In fact she had not even spoken once since she came inside. He tensed up a bit feeling her presence near him. They were both lovers of rain and had shared some great moments including their first kiss in the rain. He was seeing her off after office and it had started raining. He tried to persuade her to take shelter but she told him to just keep on walking. They laughed and walked and enjoyed the rain. They had to pass through a narrow lane to get to the bus stand on the other side. It was deserted today because of the rain. He held her hand. She didn’t resist. He came close. His lips touched hers and parted soon, as the sound of the car horn startled them both. They both laughed aloud. The car was now visible. A silver Hyundai Santro was approaching from around the corner. It took a left and passed them by.

She had changed into the dry clothes. He offered her warm tea. She sat down on one of the beds in the sitting room. He had no chairs or tables. The two rooms had two beds each for the four occupants. She took few sips from her cup, then after a long sigh said thanks to him. He just nodded and smiled. She then told him she had come to meet her friends and on her way back wanted to drop in to see how he was doing but the sudden rain forced her to wait for a long time as her auto got stuck in the traffic jam. She got all wet thanks to her auto breaking down just at the end of the road from his house. She had played it safe, but still managed to get drenched in a matter of 40 seconds running to his place. He wanted to ask her what was so urgent or important that it couldn’t wait for another day. But he didn’t. She continued. She talked about the weather, his sister’s visit, her shifting to GK-I from Noida and other random things. In between this he got a call from his sister asking him if he could arrange for a cab to pick her up since due to the rain there was a rush for autos and she was unable to get through the cab agency. He dialed the cab number but there was a long waiting list on the line. He was number 40. So, he hung up. The rain had slowed down a bit by now. He told her that he might have to go and pick up his sister if a cab cannot be arranged soon. She seemed worried. His phone rang again. It was his sister again. He told her that the line was busy. She said the same to him. He then told her to wait there, and he will come pick her up. He apologized to Julia who disregarded it saying she was on her way out herself since it had almost stopped raining. He offered to see her off and without waiting for a reply rushed inside to change. She felt uneasy throughout their walk to the auto stand some three minutes away. They walked silently. He asked the driver if he would go to GK-I and after bargaining for the rate gestured her to get in. She hesitated a bit then sat inside. She thanked him for everything and told him she would soon return the clothes. ‘It’s okay. No hurry. Anytime.’ The driver started the engine. He moved back a little but she held his hand. They looked at each other. He pressed her fingers. They softly smiled. The auto took off. Their hands parted. She waved her hand and smiled wide. He waved his hand and smiled back at her.

LAWS OF ATTRACTION!

If I knew the laws of attractions, I'd find it easier to cope with my heart's embarrassing thoughts upon meeting a stranger I connect with on so many levels. I'd leave the right impression; speaking the apt words and making the right moves. I'd build the stories and bring it to an end of happy togetherness. But if I really connect well with the person, do I really need to do any of these at all? It would all flow smoothly and quite naturally, won't they? So, why then would one seek to find ways to attract someone? Magazines and Television shows guiding you on how to follow your own heart yet giving you rules to abide by in order to get hooked with the right person out there for you. How do they know what's in your heart when even you fail to understand it most of the times? How do they know which one's the 'right' one for you when even you didn't have any luck in finding the one? You may say, it is because we don't understand our hearts that we let others take charge and guide us. You may say because we are too demanding and less objective when it comes to the 'right' one, we need someone who can view the both of us individually and together to judge if we are right for each other. But aren't we suppose to know ourselves? Aren't we suppose to figure it out ourselves and learn from the process? I mean how can we ever evolve or grow as a person if we let others run our lives for us, huh? It is strange that we trust strangers with our hearts but not ourselves. I guess, it's always better to blame it on others when things don't work out, isn't it?

Some things are however universal when it comes to attraction. It can either be 1) an instant physical attraction which may or may not last enough to build into something more or 2) a slow process of getting to know the person and be left completely mesmerised by all that you discover. Now whether it turns into a relationship or whether the relationship is successful and so on and so forth, are something even the experts cannot predict with sure-shot accuracy. But does it really matter at all? Isn't the idea to just enjoy the moment, the rush of emotions and the sudden yet expected excitement? So, is this to say that I am enjoying the process of this attraction? Let me put it in a different way. I will tell you an incident that just happened earlier tonight.

I was using a knife and watching something on TV but my thoughts were neither focussed on what was coming on screen or on what I was doing with the knife. I was lost in something else altogether. I was lost in someone's thoughts. It took a pain to bring me back to what I was doing. I had cut myself. I cursed myself but then I smiled. I wondered then why some pain can give so much pleasure! Am I still smiling? What do you think? :-)

LOVE STORIES...

We have all gone through our share of falling in love and heartbreaks in our lives. It may be 'not-so-seriously' serious high school crushes or the infatuations we had when we were young or something completely life changing. When we look back, years later at our high school 'love affairs', we tend to look at it in a more objective way. We have the bigger picture in front us and we see how we were and how we had acted at those times; feeling stupid or completely embarrassed just by the thought of it. Or becoming all too nostalgic and wishing things were different. Whichever way, they did play an important role in shaping our future relationships, despite it being childish or silly in a way. It surely didn't seem so back then.

The plot of our love story then was simple, in a way. First we would find someone with whom we developed a connection. If we do connect well then we try to understand and figure out if it's just on a friendly level or more. Are we compatible enough on various levels? Do I see more going for it than just friendship? If the answer is yes then another hurdle on the way is to find out if the feeling is mutual. It's time for the top ten heartbreak songs, if the answer is no. Or hit the play button and listen to the classic 'falling-in-love' songs if it is yes.

Somehow relationships become a bit more complex as we grow up. The innocence of the child-like love or crushes takes a backseat as the ride gets rougher and tougher. The basis of love remains the same: To find someone whom we love and to be loved in return. The process of finding that someone and the possibility of that person returning our love become very blink as with age our priorities change, our needs differ and our expectations too undergo some changes.

There are so many different factors that affect our falling in love and what we do with that emotion in us. Sometimes we hear what it says and at other times we ignore it. Sometimes we believe in it but stop ourselves from giving it a life outside of our hearts, knowing very well it will amount to nothing at all. There are times when our own restraints and others' restrictions that lay ahead are reason enough for us to kill it right at the beginning.

And when we do love and show it as well, and we are loved in return, it may be the 'happily-ever-after' end of a fairy tale. But real life is different, that is why we feel so much more when it's real. The trials and tribulations of love never ends, not after the confession of love, not after the union or marriage, and certainly not after the first anniversary or the first child. It's a lifelong process and there are mistakes galore. How we deal with the mistakes and the shortcomings in each other is what would make the love last longer or end right at that moment of the mistake erupting into an uncompromisable difference. Whether it's infidelity or hunger for power or money or someone better or we simply fall out of love... there are too many 'more-than-happy' roadblocks during the journey. How we cross them decides how lasting our love is.

The journey sees no end in a way. Those who have never been in love, wish to fall in love. Even those who may despise the very mention of love being frustrated by the idea of not having found it. Those who have loved, wish for the love to last long enough to hear the wedding bells. And those who have exchanged their vows, long for a happy and ever-lasting married life. Those who have been married for years wish they have a great family life and their respective spouses remain faithful and in love with them always. And for those who have been married for years and have seen their children grow up, wish for the love to remain the same and to be together till the end. Many fear too that they do not fall out of love with each other. For many it is the same cycle of falling in and out of love, the heartbreaks and all, when they live those very moments through the lives of their children. Only this time they have the wisdom to share, but the youth, alas! would have no patience to hear!

We never learn to love completely. Only the love of those are complete who have ceased to live. Perhaps that is why the great love stories in every culture are of those who once lived. In death their love was complete. If they'd have lived, who knows some divorce attorney would have made huge load of money! Given that they lived in today's times, of course!

(Disclaimer: Love as discussed here refers to love of romantic nature only)

TO LOVE... TO BE FREE...

"Flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and clouds on the horizon..."*

Have I ever been so in love and been true in love? Have all the women I loved been loved so? Was I true to them all? Were they true to me as well? As I sit down and think about how and whom I have loved in this life, I cannot help but wonder.

If I never loved so, were my love not love at all? Were they mere imitations or shadows of what true love really is? If they were then did I cheat on the one I loved by not loving her true? Or was it really true love, since the knowledge of true love was not known to me and I loved the only way I knew how to love then? For even though, it did not work out after a while, at least it was good till it lasted. It was true to me then.

Love takes care of us, lead us and teach us as we discover it through the eyes of our beloved... through their touch... their smell... their voices... We may become experts in the ways of love, its many methods. But we can never be an expert in love. Love still makes us nervous, fills us with doubt, makes us laugh and cry. For we can never conquer love. It is love that conquers us.

Did all my love so far ended because I tried to possess them? To make it last a little longer than it was meant to be? Looking back now, it seems so vague and misty. It was so clear back then. We are sure of things as long as we are in the things. After we are out of them, we no longer seem to know if at all we were sure of them in the first place.

There were times when I loved and let it go, too soon. Had I held on to it for some more time, it would have been another story to tell today. There were times too when I just touched and teased the surface, but never felt the depth of love. Never took the plunge. Just flirted with the water standing on the shore. I would have known some other feeling today had I taken the plunge.

"...you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you.... I will always remember now that love is liberty..."*

If it sets you free, then know that it is love. Have I ever felt that freedom, that liberty? I am still doubting. I am still questioning. I am still afraid of how love may greet me someday. I am still learning to know how it feels to be in love. I am still hopeful.

Will I still me doubting, once I am face-to-face with what would set me free? I have lost love. Maybe that is why I am still filled with doubt. How would it be to love so true and yet not try to possess it? Not try to make it last or stay longer.

I now know, I have never loved truly before. For I have never felt free. And do I long to be free!

I can feel something coming. And like any other times, I am still being hopeful, it will set me free.


(*Excerpts from Paulo Coelho's 'Brida'. To know more about him, you can visit his official website, http://paulocoelho.com