Have I ever been so in love and been true in love? Have all the women I loved been loved so? Was I true to them all? Were they true to me as well? As I sit down and think about how and whom I have loved in this life, I cannot help but wonder.
If I never loved so, were my love not love at all? Were they mere imitations or shadows of what true love really is? If they were then did I cheat on the one I loved by not loving her true? Or was it really true love, since the knowledge of true love was not known to me and I loved the only way I knew how to love then? For even though, it did not work out after a while, at least it was good till it lasted. It was true to me then.
Love takes care of us, lead us and teach us as we discover it through the eyes of our beloved... through their touch... their smell... their voices... We may become experts in the ways of love, its many methods. But we can never be an expert in love. Love still makes us nervous, fills us with doubt, makes us laugh and cry. For we can never conquer love. It is love that conquers us.
Did all my love so far ended because I tried to possess them? To make it last a little longer than it was meant to be? Looking back now, it seems so vague and misty. It was so clear back then. We are sure of things as long as we are in the things. After we are out of them, we no longer seem to know if at all we were sure of them in the first place.
There were times when I loved and let it go, too soon. Had I held on to it for some more time, it would have been another story to tell today. There were times too when I just touched and teased the surface, but never felt the depth of love. Never took the plunge. Just flirted with the water standing on the shore. I would have known some other feeling today had I taken the plunge.
"...you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you.... I will always remember now that love is liberty..."*
If it sets you free, then know that it is love. Have I ever felt that freedom, that liberty? I am still doubting. I am still questioning. I am still afraid of how love may greet me someday. I am still learning to know how it feels to be in love. I am still hopeful.
Will I still me doubting, once I am face-to-face with what would set me free? I have lost love. Maybe that is why I am still filled with doubt. How would it be to love so true and yet not try to possess it? Not try to make it last or stay longer.
I now know, I have never loved truly before. For I have never felt free. And do I long to be free!
I can feel something coming. And like any other times, I am still being hopeful, it will set me free.
(*Excerpts from Paulo Coelho's 'Brida'. To know more about him, you can visit his official website,
Hope.. indeed the juiciest carrot dangling in space. A hope that maybe true love will arrive in this lifetime or that it will last longer than a few seconds. After all, that's what the writer believes that soulmates need to meet each other just once in an entire lifetime to feel complete. So, why do you and I hope that it will be anything more?
ReplyDeleteYes, I too ache to see the faint glimmer of a white light above a left shoulder... I too ache, now, to belong
these eyes have been cheated before.. I just hope i'm able to see the light when it appears!
ReplyDeleteHa! some more load on poor Hope!