Lessons From My Sister's Flower Garden

I am sharing a post from my new blog about learning lessons from my sister's simple wish from me that I paint her a flower garden. This simple complicated task taught me few things I should have ideally remembered all along. The blog is written like a conversation with my mother, so 'you' in the post is referred to her.

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I re-discovered the essence of always trying and not giving up no matter how impossible or how unbearable or how different things turn out in the process. I figured that if you still have even a small fraction of your vision with which you set out to do what you are in the process of doing, it will turn out just like you thought and sometimes even better once you keep moving ahead with it. Perhaps I had to learn this in the simplest of tasks I did recently.

Remember mom when I told you about the painting that sister wanted me to draw for her - a garden full of flowers. Well, I attempted it, formed the base, painted some flowery shapes. It looked very promising in the beginning and I was already happy with myself for at least setting out to do it rather than giving up before even trying, which I had been doing for some days already. Once I began to put in the details of the garden, I found myself hating the very sight of it. It did not look real or even close to a fake garden! I detested the very sight of it. I did not wish to go on. But I did. I don't know why but I kept on adding and trying out things. I did take few moments to just look at it and wish I had not done some things, not added certain colour or tried certain shapes. Yet I continued, experimenting and trying out things to make the shapes look like flowers. Once the flowers seemed real enough, the base started looking unrealistic. The flowers seemed to be plainly pasted. Still I continued; added some colours and tried different brush strokes.

As I was beginning to see the end of how it would finally look, I was as happy as I could be. I saw that my vision was coming true. And in fact no flowers looked as good as these in a garden that once was my hateful obsession. It was then that I realised, that when we set out to achieve our dreams we are very hopeful in the beginning but with time we begin to see no point in it and start detesting our own dreams when we look at the unfinished picture. We have dreams but we fail to see that our dreams from the time they are born undergo a metamorphosis going through stages of development which may not appeal to us, even frighten us at some point in time. It should not stop us from continuing on our walk towards achieving them. The believe in our vision should always be there. And we must keep on going. Only then are we able to see the butterfly of our dreams coming to life and taking flight.

I love you mom for showing me this through sister's what seemed like a childish and an improbable wish for a flower garden!

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The following is a link to the post in original in the aforesaid blog:
SISTER'S FLOWER GARDEN

Journalistic Conscience

Human mind - One can try to evaluate the complexity of it, the method and the ways in which it functions but never fully succeed. For all the thousand conformity there will always be one or two exceptions. The way we think and the way react or respond to certain situations and circumstances in life differs with each individual. That is why perhaps, one finds some making the most of a bad situation and rising above the average to succeed and triumph in life while others fail miserable in the same situation. Greatness thus lies not in where we live or who we live it lies in how we think and comprehend our lives.

There are people whose life may not seem so well-lived or of any significance to us but who have achieved and transformed the world around them for the better with what little resources they had in hand. Compared to them we have a lot. But how much of it have we actually utilized to its full capacity?

I sit and wonder at their strength and the sacrifices they made along the way. For them, what they do does not come under any sacrifice of any sort. It is their love and passion in what they do that gives them the courage to fulfill their aspirations.

The world we live in – the parties, the events, the social dos etc. etc. – is all so superficial. And like any other person, I too have become the torchbearer for the good things in life. The images on the television, the many series and the many channels – the fine printed pages of hundreds of magazines – the launch of a new restaurant, bar or pub every other day – all adds to the ‘fake’ world we live in.

We never say what we mean. And never mean what we say. Pretence and loathing – qualities we have adopted ever so effortlessly.

One does lose one’s sense of self amidst all the superficiality of the world around us. And it is in times like these that we need to ask ourselves if we can keep on ignoring the truth; the truth that real life is no party. There is so much more at stake in this world today. We need to evaluate our thoughts and start juggling them to find what exactly it is that we have to do in our lives. What is the use of living at all if we cannot contribute towards ‘life’ in any measure at all? And yet like everyone else the thoughts come and go. And the next day the same routine follows. The real world lie waiting like a mother waiting for her son to come home.

- Written in a very conscientious moment by a journalist.

The only difference being that the son does come home, however late at night.

The above line was added by him the next morning before the document was permanently deleted.

I WILL BE FINE...

Things could have been in order. Like the way it was done or like the way it unfolded. But it is impossible, unless one had taken the time out or actually got down to writing whatever one was feeling at that point in time. And since I haven't, whatever I write now will only be a reflection of what I feel at this moment.

So, what do I feel? I feel relieved. I feel sad. I feel happy. I feel depressed. I feel lost. I feel inspired. I feel every damn emotion there is to feel. And I have no clue how I have surpassed all these emotions in just a matter of few hours. If a film I saw moved me to tears. There has also been a song that reminded me of how uncertain and confused I can be. Then when I check my mails or read something in a blog, a different kind of emotion runs through me. There were times when I was pleasantly surprised to find a solution, quite unexpectedly, to something I had not had the time to look into. Few lines and sentences that motivated and inspired me just at the right time. Kept my hopes floating and helped me from drowning and letting it all go. Especially when I was sinking too deep into my own thoughts.

I cannot help but wonder if what we go through in life is but a series of moments that were so precisely set together like the pieces in a puzzle. And only when the pieces are coming together at a faster rate, one after the other, that one starts to sense it and wonder if life is really like a set of puzzle pieces.

With the way things have unfolded today. The way the moments came one after the other. The smooth transitions between them. The way it so effortlessly made me laugh and cry without letting me feel any contradiction or contrast whatsoever. It sure can make one wonder if the pieces were coming together quite fast, and one could somehow see the arrangement of things. Of how if one sees the signs and reads the lines, knows one's cues and takes the hints, one's life may just be set.

Of course the uncertainty and the knowledge that there can be no answer to these questions will take over again soon enough. But having lived this moment of realisation, even if it is of nothingness, makes me feel wherever I am going, I will be fine. Yes, I will be fine.

MAX - MY UNLIKELY TEACHER

My dear Max, whom I had christened as Maxwell Williams, the day he was brought to our house is a little over 6 years now. We have had several pets, both cats and dogs since our childhood. But Max is very special to me. For one, we were the only company to each other during the early days of his life in our house. Rest of the family had gone out of town for few months.

I have learned a great deal from him. He taught me to be patient. Training him to do his 'business' outside of the house was a tough task for me. Mom did it with all the other pets. But this time I was on my own. He also taught me to keep my cool. Even when he would wake me up in the middle of the night with his 'adolescent' barks.

It was a difficult time for me, as I was preparing for the final year exams and had some family problems as well. I clearly remember waking up at night to let him out in the verandah. I would sit next to him on the ground and just stared up at the night sky. Lost in my thoughts and feeling quite low, I would just hold him and at times even talk to him! It felt stupid sometimes. Nonetheless it did let some burden off my chest!

The photograph above was taken about a month and half back. I was seeing him after almost 2-3 years. He's just the same. Perhaps a bit more quieter. So much has changed in my life in all these years. So many relations formed and ended. Some fluctuating in between cordial and non-existent, expectations and disappointments, anger and frustration. Amidst all these chaos and confusion was Max, who welcomed me just as he'd have done any other time. No complaints whatsoever. Simply love.

As I spent time with him, I wished if I could have stayed there with him or brought him here. But it was not possible. I could not leave my work here. Moreover there would be no one to take care of him out here.

I dedicated most of my time at home to him. When finally I was on my way back, I came to realise that Max had taught me few more lessons again. To make the most of the time one has with their loved ones. To cherish each and every moment spent with them. And to love with forgiveness in one's heart.

Love you, Max!