One more year comes to an end. Another year is dawning in just over a few hours. And there are so many things going on in my head. What do I expect from this coming new year? What do I expect from my life and from myself in the coming year? At first I had thought of making a list of my new year resolutions but I opted not to. It is pretty depressing when things don't go the way we want them to. It will be miserable when it's a list of things you had set out to do from the beginning.
More than expectations, I have hope that I will be able to become more of me and less of how I think I ought to be. More beliefs and less doubts. More conviction and less fear. That's what I hope for the most. To be able to be honest with my feelings and my thoughts and show them not just feel or think them.
It's already few minutes past midnight. My hopes are being born as the year grows by the minute. Hoping to have a Happy New Year!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Rain: Return Of An Old Friend
When it used to rain before, we would not know. We lived in a concrete building and if we were inside our rooms with the curtains pulled down on the windows we would not know when it rained. So, most of the times the clothes hung outside to dry would have to wait a long while getting soaked all over again. And we missed several opportunities of playing in the rain because we would not be able to hear it fall. The paper boats were saved from drowning in the make-believe river of the backyard drain, sailing through a heavy stormy weather. The dry and recently washed clothes we worn would take a heavy sigh of relief every time we missed the rain. Having been soaked for hours in cold/hot water then being beaten about on the cemented floor and hung out to dry, they favoured being warm in the closet and feared being worn by us. They dreaded the moment someone opened the closet, praying hard they were not picked. Some had tough luck, becoming our favourites, we would wear them umpteen times till they turned pale and their threads came loose. They had to undergo stitches several times and would always end up getting dirt-faced. They feared rain the most and so it was a matter of great relief when we missed the rain. They hated being damp and wet.
Then we moved to a tin-roofed house and even a slight drizzle would alarm us. We were out and about in an instant gauging the rain and if it wasn’t too heavy we would leave the clothes be. If it rained heavy, we would free them from the clutches of the clips and gather them all inside. In a really heavy downpour most of the clothes would end up getting wet no matter how quick we were. We would in turn get wet as well. It would not stop us from venturing out onto the verandah to feel the rain fall on our palms and if we were game enough, we would get all soaked, dancing in the rain. Sometimes in our excitement we would forget about the slices of radish or pieces of amla left to dry atop the roof and they would spitefully turn out to be not-so-good achaar once they were dried up, spiced up and bottled up.
However, for most part they were all happy, the clothes and everything else since we lived under a tin-roof. The problem was with us because we would start thinking it was raining on hearing the slightest of sounds resembling the rain.
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We did not resist the rain then. We took it as it came. No great surprise or worry succeeded it. Then the inevitable happened. We all grew up and the excitement of the rain slowly faded away with the years we added to our lives. We ran from the rain most of the times – running for a dry shelter and even if the shelter was long way away and we were bound to get wet, we'd still keep running, shielding ourselves with a notebook or a plastic bag or even a handkerchief! Oh! We really didn’t like the rain I guess. At least that was what the rain felt, who had just dropped by to give us a childhood greeting. But we were growing up or already grown up and forgot about our childhood friend.
Years later when most things had changed and I yearned for something old and something familiar, something to help me retain or regain the lost days of the yore, I found I had lost most of it to the heat of life. Pretty soon I realized I had lost so much more than a few rainy days or fun-plays in the sun. Then in the evening of a rather warm day it rained, first slow then heavily. I did not resist it. I soaked myself in it, reveling in the memories of all the days lost and gone, shedding tears for all those lost and gone and smiling in the return of a childhood friend who gave me warmth in his wet embrace. I do not resist the rain anymore.
Then we moved to a tin-roofed house and even a slight drizzle would alarm us. We were out and about in an instant gauging the rain and if it wasn’t too heavy we would leave the clothes be. If it rained heavy, we would free them from the clutches of the clips and gather them all inside. In a really heavy downpour most of the clothes would end up getting wet no matter how quick we were. We would in turn get wet as well. It would not stop us from venturing out onto the verandah to feel the rain fall on our palms and if we were game enough, we would get all soaked, dancing in the rain. Sometimes in our excitement we would forget about the slices of radish or pieces of amla left to dry atop the roof and they would spitefully turn out to be not-so-good achaar once they were dried up, spiced up and bottled up.
However, for most part they were all happy, the clothes and everything else since we lived under a tin-roof. The problem was with us because we would start thinking it was raining on hearing the slightest of sounds resembling the rain.
...........................................................
We did not resist the rain then. We took it as it came. No great surprise or worry succeeded it. Then the inevitable happened. We all grew up and the excitement of the rain slowly faded away with the years we added to our lives. We ran from the rain most of the times – running for a dry shelter and even if the shelter was long way away and we were bound to get wet, we'd still keep running, shielding ourselves with a notebook or a plastic bag or even a handkerchief! Oh! We really didn’t like the rain I guess. At least that was what the rain felt, who had just dropped by to give us a childhood greeting. But we were growing up or already grown up and forgot about our childhood friend.
Years later when most things had changed and I yearned for something old and something familiar, something to help me retain or regain the lost days of the yore, I found I had lost most of it to the heat of life. Pretty soon I realized I had lost so much more than a few rainy days or fun-plays in the sun. Then in the evening of a rather warm day it rained, first slow then heavily. I did not resist it. I soaked myself in it, reveling in the memories of all the days lost and gone, shedding tears for all those lost and gone and smiling in the return of a childhood friend who gave me warmth in his wet embrace. I do not resist the rain anymore.
Friday, July 16, 2010
When I Met An Old Friend
To meet an old friend is always a pleasure, especially when you have gone through a lot in life with the same person. They have seen you in your good times and your worst as well. They have been there for you and you have been there for them. So, a meeting with such a friend is always a heartening experience to say the least.
Today I met with a dear friend who has been through a lot in life much as I have been in mine and have seen each other in our worse of times. Today too is no better a time in our lives. I have my own set of problems and he has his. And we are at an age where most of our counterparts have already found their footings and are excelling at whatever they are doing. Our trials have been tough. Our success minimal. At the end too much time invested with too little outcome/success to account for while time keeps a tab of the passing years on our faces and greying hair on our scalps.
The sense of responsibility never leaves our minds. And this is one reason why there has not been much of a risk taken by him on his part. He had trodden carefully and calculatingly. Somehow in his own words, the ‘bad luck’ phase of his life still seems to be continuing. For most part, things look promising and all efforts are in place from his side but some other things which are completely out of his control puts an end to his dreams.
Even though I too feel the sense of responsibility I have taken decisions more freely and taken a lot of risks being the ‘child’ in the family. A doting elder brother and an always supportive elder sister eased my risky ways. The problem now is the fact that I have not been able to turn the career risks I have taken into anything worthwhile. I am still in this phase but what gives, even if a little solace is that I have been doing some of the things I greatly enjoyed doing. The thing is I could have done them without playing the ‘Brave-heart’ ( or fool-heart??!).
There are thoughts and ideas running in both our heads. We can talk about how to do those things. We can talk about how it can be executed and what all formalities or procedure we need to follow. The problem, however is if at all it will work out and will we be able to take any more chances now? I can see him achieving what he dreams of. He has always been a hard-working guy with his head placed firmly on his shoulders. He just needs the right time and there will be no stopping him. I am, like always, doubtful of myself and my big ideas. Let’s see how things go for both of us.
Today I met with a dear friend who has been through a lot in life much as I have been in mine and have seen each other in our worse of times. Today too is no better a time in our lives. I have my own set of problems and he has his. And we are at an age where most of our counterparts have already found their footings and are excelling at whatever they are doing. Our trials have been tough. Our success minimal. At the end too much time invested with too little outcome/success to account for while time keeps a tab of the passing years on our faces and greying hair on our scalps.
The sense of responsibility never leaves our minds. And this is one reason why there has not been much of a risk taken by him on his part. He had trodden carefully and calculatingly. Somehow in his own words, the ‘bad luck’ phase of his life still seems to be continuing. For most part, things look promising and all efforts are in place from his side but some other things which are completely out of his control puts an end to his dreams.
Even though I too feel the sense of responsibility I have taken decisions more freely and taken a lot of risks being the ‘child’ in the family. A doting elder brother and an always supportive elder sister eased my risky ways. The problem now is the fact that I have not been able to turn the career risks I have taken into anything worthwhile. I am still in this phase but what gives, even if a little solace is that I have been doing some of the things I greatly enjoyed doing. The thing is I could have done them without playing the ‘Brave-heart’ ( or fool-heart??!).
There are thoughts and ideas running in both our heads. We can talk about how to do those things. We can talk about how it can be executed and what all formalities or procedure we need to follow. The problem, however is if at all it will work out and will we be able to take any more chances now? I can see him achieving what he dreams of. He has always been a hard-working guy with his head placed firmly on his shoulders. He just needs the right time and there will be no stopping him. I am, like always, doubtful of myself and my big ideas. Let’s see how things go for both of us.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Fighting The Cold And Dampened Spirit
Everything seems cold and damp here. Most things are cold and damp here. The walls are damp and cold, the splash of rain it faces all day long. The clothes hanging on the hangers and those inside bags and in the closets are cold to touch and feel wet no matter how dry they are. The books, the papers and the notepads are not crisp to touch anymore. Even the slightest of touch leave a deep impression. How sensitive they have become! The chill in the air can be felt at any time of the day. The nights are much colder if spent without the shield of the blankets. The mornings are an exercise in tolerance. The ‘freezing’ water test the endurance of the warm-blooded human being. The afternoons are sunless and gloomy for most part with dark clouds hovering in the sky threatening to come falling down at the slightest agitation. The evenings are clear and breezy. But the cold wind leave so less to be enjoyed of the fine evening walks. In such a cold and damp weather, the spirits are bound to be dampened as well. But if you have a fighting spirit nothing can really dampen it at all. I guess I am carrying a little sunshine from a hot and humid land afar.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Today I saw ‘Marley and Me’ again. It made me cry all over again.
The first time I saw the movie was at one of my closest friends’ place. I would more often than not stay over at his place and we would watch a movie or two till the wee hours of the mornings. On this particular night, he slept early and I, having difficulty sleeping even after talking till late hours, decided to watch some movies on his computer. I remembered he had told me few days earlier that he had downloaded the movie. I had planned to watch it when it came to the theaters but missed it. So, it was ‘Marley and Me’ that night.
I love pets; especially dogs and cats. For the past few years I had been staying away from my pet Max, whom I literally raised from a tiny puppy. He wasn’t as naughty as Marley but he did give me quite a few headaches while growing up! I missed him dearly that night. Almost everyone in the family fond of pets had moved out and I knew that Max would be missing us a lot.
I loved the movie, not just because it was a simple and heartwarming tale but for the fact that it treated Marley as a being, a member of the family, rather than just another animal. The conversations were real and the interactions between the characters and Marley were real. Watching the movie, I went back to the times when I was alone at home with Max. I would sit with him on the courtyard at night when we could not sleep. I would stare at the stars shining above us in the clear sky, putting my arms around Max. I would talk to him and share my doubts and my fears and tell him how much I loved him. Those were difficult times for me. Mother wasn’t keeping well for few years, especially during those months when she had to be taken to a bigger city for her diagnosis. Dad and sis had accompanied her. Brother was already living in the city for few years at that time.
Today when I watched the movie again, I missed Max much more. During my last visit home I learned to my surprise (rather shock) that he had passed away. We weren’t informed. I was the first to know. I had not cried then. Not for a day or two. But late one night unable to sleep, when I started thinking about him, tears just rolled down my cheeks. I cried for a long time. I cried myself to sleep.
I had missed Max, felt his absence when I first saw ‘Marley and Me’. This time it was the realization of the fact that the absence was incurable and I would not be able to see him, touch him or pat him again. When I look at his pictures, I see so much of love and so much of pain in those big eyes. I wish I was there for him during his last few days. I don’t know if I could have been of any help at all, but I would have certainly wanted to be there. But now he must be getting all the love he missed from mom. She had a special bond with all the pets we had, whether it was Ruby or Jumbo. But now, she would be well guarded and taken care of by them and they in turn would be unconditionally loved by her.
‘A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water-logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you’re rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?’
- quoted from ‘Marley and Me’
Max really did make me feel extraordinary. He made me feel alive and breathing. He made me feel truly loved. And he taught me a lot more than I could ever do with all the tricks I tried so hard for him to learn!! He was special and he made me feel special. I love you, Max.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Lessons From My Sister's Flower Garden
I am sharing a post from my new blog about learning lessons from my sister's simple wish from me that I paint her a flower garden. This simple complicated task taught me few things I should have ideally remembered all along. The blog is written like a conversation with my mother, so 'you' in the post is referred to her.
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I re-discovered the essence of always trying and not giving up no matter how impossible or how unbearable or how different things turn out in the process. I figured that if you still have even a small fraction of your vision with which you set out to do what you are in the process of doing, it will turn out just like you thought and sometimes even better once you keep moving ahead with it. Perhaps I had to learn this in the simplest of tasks I did recently.
Remember mom when I told you about the painting that sister wanted me to draw for her - a garden full of flowers. Well, I attempted it, formed the base, painted some flowery shapes. It looked very promising in the beginning and I was already happy with myself for at least setting out to do it rather than giving up before even trying, which I had been doing for some days already. Once I began to put in the details of the garden, I found myself hating the very sight of it. It did not look real or even close to a fake garden! I detested the very sight of it. I did not wish to go on. But I did. I don't know why but I kept on adding and trying out things. I did take few moments to just look at it and wish I had not done some things, not added certain colour or tried certain shapes. Yet I continued, experimenting and trying out things to make the shapes look like flowers. Once the flowers seemed real enough, the base started looking unrealistic. The flowers seemed to be plainly pasted. Still I continued; added some colours and tried different brush strokes.
As I was beginning to see the end of how it would finally look, I was as happy as I could be. I saw that my vision was coming true. And in fact no flowers looked as good as these in a garden that once was my hateful obsession. It was then that I realised, that when we set out to achieve our dreams we are very hopeful in the beginning but with time we begin to see no point in it and start detesting our own dreams when we look at the unfinished picture. We have dreams but we fail to see that our dreams from the time they are born undergo a metamorphosis going through stages of development which may not appeal to us, even frighten us at some point in time. It should not stop us from continuing on our walk towards achieving them. The believe in our vision should always be there. And we must keep on going. Only then are we able to see the butterfly of our dreams coming to life and taking flight.
I love you mom for showing me this through sister's what seemed like a childish and an improbable wish for a flower garden!
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The following is a link to the post in original in the aforesaid blog:
SISTER'S FLOWER GARDEN
..................................
I re-discovered the essence of always trying and not giving up no matter how impossible or how unbearable or how different things turn out in the process. I figured that if you still have even a small fraction of your vision with which you set out to do what you are in the process of doing, it will turn out just like you thought and sometimes even better once you keep moving ahead with it. Perhaps I had to learn this in the simplest of tasks I did recently.
Remember mom when I told you about the painting that sister wanted me to draw for her - a garden full of flowers. Well, I attempted it, formed the base, painted some flowery shapes. It looked very promising in the beginning and I was already happy with myself for at least setting out to do it rather than giving up before even trying, which I had been doing for some days already. Once I began to put in the details of the garden, I found myself hating the very sight of it. It did not look real or even close to a fake garden! I detested the very sight of it. I did not wish to go on. But I did. I don't know why but I kept on adding and trying out things. I did take few moments to just look at it and wish I had not done some things, not added certain colour or tried certain shapes. Yet I continued, experimenting and trying out things to make the shapes look like flowers. Once the flowers seemed real enough, the base started looking unrealistic. The flowers seemed to be plainly pasted. Still I continued; added some colours and tried different brush strokes.
As I was beginning to see the end of how it would finally look, I was as happy as I could be. I saw that my vision was coming true. And in fact no flowers looked as good as these in a garden that once was my hateful obsession. It was then that I realised, that when we set out to achieve our dreams we are very hopeful in the beginning but with time we begin to see no point in it and start detesting our own dreams when we look at the unfinished picture. We have dreams but we fail to see that our dreams from the time they are born undergo a metamorphosis going through stages of development which may not appeal to us, even frighten us at some point in time. It should not stop us from continuing on our walk towards achieving them. The believe in our vision should always be there. And we must keep on going. Only then are we able to see the butterfly of our dreams coming to life and taking flight.
I love you mom for showing me this through sister's what seemed like a childish and an improbable wish for a flower garden!
..................................
The following is a link to the post in original in the aforesaid blog:
SISTER'S FLOWER GARDEN
Saturday, May 29, 2010
American Idol Season 9
Let's talk about the American Idol. I have been watching the show since it started airing in the country for the past few years now. I wasn't so much into it the last few years but this year has been different. I have followed the journey of each of the contestants since the audition round and so I feel in a way connected to them. I instantly liked Lee DeWyze a lot since the time he first auditioned and when I heard Crystal Bowersox sing I knew the judges had no choice but to select her. And the two of them made it to the finale. I had a feeling it would turn out this way, but was in a little bit of doubt till the time Big Mike was around. Once he was voted out, I knew it would be a battle between these two.
I am thrilled to bits to know that Lee won. I still have to see the episode since it will be telecast tonight on this part of the globe. But I can't wait to see how it all turned out and how the show unfolded. I loved the fact that the two finalists were also two of the most genuine and good person we had this season. I have to admit I was inclined towards Lee as he kind of reminded me of myself (strictly in a non-musical sense since my musical skills go way beyond minus!) because of his shy and reserved personality. Crystal on the other hand is a fighter, humble and strong.
However, if there's one thing I have learned about American Idol is the fact that winning and losing truly doesn't matter, especially for those who made it to the Top 10 or Top 5. History is testimony to the fact that even the contestants who failed to win have also made it pretty big in the music industry. At times even turned out to be much more successful than their winning counterparts. E.g. Clay Aiken, Jennifer Hudson, Chris Daughtry, Adam Lambert. So, if you ask me about Crystal or other contestants like Big Mike or Casey or Siobhan I know they will make something of themselves in this field.
So, in the end, I just want to say that they each have their own story to tell and whether as the winner or the runners up, they are gonna tell it. And we will all listen.
I am thrilled to bits to know that Lee won. I still have to see the episode since it will be telecast tonight on this part of the globe. But I can't wait to see how it all turned out and how the show unfolded. I loved the fact that the two finalists were also two of the most genuine and good person we had this season. I have to admit I was inclined towards Lee as he kind of reminded me of myself (strictly in a non-musical sense since my musical skills go way beyond minus!) because of his shy and reserved personality. Crystal on the other hand is a fighter, humble and strong.
However, if there's one thing I have learned about American Idol is the fact that winning and losing truly doesn't matter, especially for those who made it to the Top 10 or Top 5. History is testimony to the fact that even the contestants who failed to win have also made it pretty big in the music industry. At times even turned out to be much more successful than their winning counterparts. E.g. Clay Aiken, Jennifer Hudson, Chris Daughtry, Adam Lambert. So, if you ask me about Crystal or other contestants like Big Mike or Casey or Siobhan I know they will make something of themselves in this field.
So, in the end, I just want to say that they each have their own story to tell and whether as the winner or the runners up, they are gonna tell it. And we will all listen.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Addicted To The Idiot Box
It's easy to get hooked on to daily soaps and serials or let's say the idiot box. It's easier too to get rid of the habit. I have had almost an addiction for my favourite series while growing up, to the extend that I would keep a tab of when and at what time they were repeated so that I don't end up missing any single episode. For the past few years, the addiction had subsided completely what with the erratic work timings. Now that I find myself with some free time, I am getting caught up with the idiot box again. The initial flirtations has now become a serious habit and there's a clear sign of addiction which I realised sometime before I started typing this post. I am now finding myself remembering all the repeat timings of the shows I have to, HAVE TO watch. The fact that some of my favourite series are back with a brand new season only aided my attachment to the little squarish box, I don't tire of looking at these days.
So, which are the series I am getting addicted to? Well, first let me tell you about my all time favourites starting from the ones I saw since I was a teenager. I never missed 'Wonder Years' or 'Doogie Howser', then there were 'Ally McBeal', 'ER', 'Roswell', and still running 'Brothers and Sisters', 'Lost', 'Heroes'... and of course never get bored of 'Friends'. Also 'Small Wonder', 'Blossom', 'Who's the boss?', 'Different Strokes' and then 'Numbers', 'Now and Then' (never got to see how it ended, AXN has not shown another season of the series). were religiously watched Various entertaining programs including reality shows like 'Amazing Race' (I am waiting for the latest Amazing Race Asia season), 'Survivors', 'Fear Factor', 'Top Chef' and many others I am failing to recollect at this moment including several docu programs on Natgeo ('Chasing Che', 'Lonely Planet' etc...).
I had and I guess still do have a fascination for Medical dramas, (can't say exactly why, it's what I figured after I started naming the series I liked) whether it's 'ER', 'Grey's Anatomy' 'Chicago Hope', '3 Lbs' and very recently 'All Saints' on Australia TV.
Among the Hindi series, I loved 'Dhund' based on Wuthering Heights starring Pooja Bhatt and directed by Vikram Bhatt. My family found it to be too slow but I would still see it no matter what. And others I watched since everyone in the family did and I too ended up getting hooked on to them, such as 'Kora Kagaz' 'Kshitij Yeh Nahin', 'Hum Log', 'Circus', 'Reporter', 'Byoomkesh Bakshi' (one of the most intelligent Hindi crime thriller which would put CID to shame!!), 'Tehkiqaat', 'Shayad', 'Star Bestseller' and even other entertaining programs like 'Surabhi', 'Superhit Muqabla', 'Boogie Woogie.'
Now, back to my present addiction. "Grey's Anatomy" is back and I am hooked on to it. I have missed several episodes of the previous season but have been watching all of the new episodes. You know what I missed one yesterday and had just begun watching the repeat today when the lights went out! I was so mad but now I am okay. I have one last shot at it during the weekends when two episodes would be shown back to back. I am just hoping I don't miss it. Another medical drama I don't miss is 'All Saints' on Australian TV. 'Scrubs' is back as well. The only light-hearted medical drama among the ones I love and its hilarious!
I never saw 'Monk' before but started watching its latest season and I am finding it quite interesting. Also new on my list are '90210', (I have seen few episodes of the older version 'Beverly Hills, 90210' which is currently being shown on Zee Cafe) the crime thriller 'Castle', witty and humorous 'Three and a half men' and the hilariously geeky 'Big bang theory'.
Even 'Lost' is back with its final season but having missed a lot of it, I am trying not to watch it since I would prefer watching the ones I have missed before I see how it ends. So, maybe I will have to wait a while before I get to see it. Then again, I might just be too tempted to watch it.
As I enjoy my latest addictions, I am waiting for the next installments of my other ecstasies, 'Brothers and sisters', 'Heroes' etc. to come by. Why such addictions? I guess we all need some 'feel good' factor in our lives. Even if it may seem really 'idiotic' inside the 'box', living out of it can be too taxing sometimes.
So, which are the series I am getting addicted to? Well, first let me tell you about my all time favourites starting from the ones I saw since I was a teenager. I never missed 'Wonder Years' or 'Doogie Howser', then there were 'Ally McBeal', 'ER', 'Roswell', and still running 'Brothers and Sisters', 'Lost', 'Heroes'... and of course never get bored of 'Friends'. Also 'Small Wonder', 'Blossom', 'Who's the boss?', 'Different Strokes' and then 'Numbers', 'Now and Then' (never got to see how it ended, AXN has not shown another season of the series). were religiously watched Various entertaining programs including reality shows like 'Amazing Race' (I am waiting for the latest Amazing Race Asia season), 'Survivors', 'Fear Factor', 'Top Chef' and many others I am failing to recollect at this moment including several docu programs on Natgeo ('Chasing Che', 'Lonely Planet' etc...).
I had and I guess still do have a fascination for Medical dramas, (can't say exactly why, it's what I figured after I started naming the series I liked) whether it's 'ER', 'Grey's Anatomy' 'Chicago Hope', '3 Lbs' and very recently 'All Saints' on Australia TV.
Among the Hindi series, I loved 'Dhund' based on Wuthering Heights starring Pooja Bhatt and directed by Vikram Bhatt. My family found it to be too slow but I would still see it no matter what. And others I watched since everyone in the family did and I too ended up getting hooked on to them, such as 'Kora Kagaz' 'Kshitij Yeh Nahin', 'Hum Log', 'Circus', 'Reporter', 'Byoomkesh Bakshi' (one of the most intelligent Hindi crime thriller which would put CID to shame!!), 'Tehkiqaat', 'Shayad', 'Star Bestseller' and even other entertaining programs like 'Surabhi', 'Superhit Muqabla', 'Boogie Woogie.'
Now, back to my present addiction. "Grey's Anatomy" is back and I am hooked on to it. I have missed several episodes of the previous season but have been watching all of the new episodes. You know what I missed one yesterday and had just begun watching the repeat today when the lights went out! I was so mad but now I am okay. I have one last shot at it during the weekends when two episodes would be shown back to back. I am just hoping I don't miss it. Another medical drama I don't miss is 'All Saints' on Australian TV. 'Scrubs' is back as well. The only light-hearted medical drama among the ones I love and its hilarious!
I never saw 'Monk' before but started watching its latest season and I am finding it quite interesting. Also new on my list are '90210', (I have seen few episodes of the older version 'Beverly Hills, 90210' which is currently being shown on Zee Cafe) the crime thriller 'Castle', witty and humorous 'Three and a half men' and the hilariously geeky 'Big bang theory'.
Even 'Lost' is back with its final season but having missed a lot of it, I am trying not to watch it since I would prefer watching the ones I have missed before I see how it ends. So, maybe I will have to wait a while before I get to see it. Then again, I might just be too tempted to watch it.
As I enjoy my latest addictions, I am waiting for the next installments of my other ecstasies, 'Brothers and sisters', 'Heroes' etc. to come by. Why such addictions? I guess we all need some 'feel good' factor in our lives. Even if it may seem really 'idiotic' inside the 'box', living out of it can be too taxing sometimes.
Calvin and Hobbes, May 5, 1992, by Bill Watterson
Monday, May 24, 2010
Rendezvous With Chinese Cinema
A Chinese film festival was being held at the Siri Fort Auditorium, New Delhi last week. I had at first decided to catch all the movies but missed out on few of them (my afternoon nap extended into the night) including the opening film, Confucius (I tend to miss the inaugural film since the first day is always so crowded what with the stars, if any and the media). However the ones I saw more than made up for all the ones I could not watch. Most of the times when a Chinese film is mentioned one inevitably thinks of a martial arts movie. I haven't had any such fascination for them, except for Jackie Chan movies for the sheer fun and humour and also few which stood out not just for the fight choreography but excelled in other departments as well, like say Hero. Mostly, I have seen films with simple stories conveyed so simply it leaves you feeling awed.
The first film I saw was 'You and Me' (directed by Ma Liwen) a story about an old traditional lady (Jin Yaqin) who rents out a room to a young modern girl (Gong Zhe) and the unlikely relationship they share, at first of conflict and slowly progressing into a deep friendship. Then one day, the young girl moves out to live with her boyfriend and how it affects the old woman forms the climax of the movie. The film does not hurry. It's slow and it works really well, revealing different aspects of the characters as they at first try to outdo each other and then later get to an understanding. The leniency of the older generation and the acceptance of the younger generation is conveyed beautifully through several incidents such as the phone line connection or the use of the refrigerator. I kinda missed my granny when I watched this movie. She passed away few years back. The character resembled her in so many ways. She was one tough cookie and at the same time a real sweetheart. God bless her soul.
The second movie I saw was 'Huayao Bride in Shangri La' (directed by Zhang Jiarui). The movie is about Hua Yao Yi minority culture (in China's Yunnan province) whereby a husband and a wife must live separately for three years before the traditional custom of "Returning Home" is observed for their family. I felt the film could have been so much better off if shot in a docu-style. The story was good but the execution seemed lacking to me, also the performances were a little too unconvincing. It was like watching one of the digital films Manipur is churning out for the past few years, only better than most of them. The era of really good cinema in Manipur is almost over! Thankfully a few good men and a bunch of young blood are keeping the hopes alive, even if through documentaries.
The third movie 'The Road Home' (directed by Zhang Yimeng) was emotionally rich and epic in its story-telling. The film looked beautiful, background score was great, story fable-like and performances superlative, especially of Zhang Ziyi. I remembered mid-way through the movie that I had seen it before, not the complete movie but some portions of it somewhere, exactly when and where I still cannot recall. What struck me at first was the decision of shooting the film in black and white in the present time and in colour during flashback. Almost like the way we often tend to remember our past. The colourful memories in stark contrast to the sad reality of today. The film opens up with the return of a son for his father's funeral. His mother wants to bring back her dead husband's body from the city hospital on foot, in keeping with an age-old tradition so that his soul can find its way home. The significance of this decision is reflected through the son's narrative of his parents' love story. How this decision impacts his life, his mother's and of the village itself forms the climax of the movie.
'One Hundred Yuan' (directed by Wang Ping) was the fourth movie I watched. Sometimes comic, sometimes stark and sometimes touching, the story is about a middle-aged man who is rendered jobless due to the change in the mode of production of the factory where he worked. Being unemployed is not the least of his problem. His biggest problem is that he is a very 'nice' man and this lands him into trouble with his wife, his neighbours and everyone else around, especially when a fake hundred yuan note finds its way into his possession. The mis-adventures he goes through owing to this and how it turns his life upside down forms the crux of the movie. Witty, engaging and entertaining!
The fifth and the last movie I managed to watch was 'Together'. I had a feeling it would be a good movie but it was way beyond my expectations. A masterpiece in so many ways. A poor father's dreams of making his son famous and well-known brings the two to the city. The thirteen year old son plays the violin (the only thing left of his mother) exceptionally well and has won every competition back home. His father brings him to the city with all the saving from the restaurant he runs in order to give him proper training from a renowned teacher. How the city and the people they meet influences their lives and their relationship forms the basic plot of the movie. The music pieces in the movie leave you spell-bound. Some of the pieces moved me to tears. The film is directed by Chen Kaige, who made the famous film 'Farewell, My Concubine' (I still have to catch this classic!). The performances in the movie, the father (Liu Peiqi), the son (Tang Yun), the teacher (Wang Zhiwen), the young woman (Chen Hong) the son has a crush on were all excellent. It was a befitting end to my Chinese adventure! This one's surely going in my 'must watch' list, along with 'The Road Home'.
I kept wondering why the festival organisers did not make this the closing film of the festival. Then again, the last show being timed at 8pm might have gone against the movie since most people tend to come for the 6-6:30pm show.
And another film festival 'The Indian Paronama 2009' starts from today till June 6, showcasing films from across India at the Siri Fort Auditorium II. Entry free but need to collect passes available at the counter one hour before the show timing. So, let another cinematic journey begin!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My Indian Idol 5 Top 12 Predictions
The rest of the Top 16 contestants performed on Tuesday night and it was as great, if not better than the first night. Hats off to the judges for their impeccable selection and kudos to the contestants to have lived up to their expectations!
Like any other year, the Idol is a mix-match of singers from different backgrounds but one thing that clearly stands out this year is the level of talent. It has never happened before that all the contestants have performed so well in the 'piano round' (refers to the first performance on Idol stage on national television, the start of the viewers voting system). The viewers have voted and now it is left to seen who makes it to the Top 12. I have been scratching my head trying to figure out who will make it, going by own calculation of who I thought performed better, since no single performance could be termed bad. So, here's my verdict, my own Top 12:
(in random order)
Manisha: Her 'Solemiya..' performance was flawless. She has amazing stage presence, confidence and a great vocal chord to match.
Vishwas: His rendition of 'Jalwa..' could even be termed at par with the original singer. There is a lot of confidence and voice quality which is very expressive. One could feel the words as he sang them. And he added his own touch to the song, which bowled over the judges as well!
Arpita: From the first note she hit to the last, her 'Khalbali..' was a power-packed performance. Definitely someone to watch out for.
Shashi: He jazzed up the atmosphere with his own take of A R Rahman's composed and sung title track from 'Jaane Tu Ya, Jaane Na..'. It was playful, fun and very jazzy!! Having a more classical inclination, this performance showed his versatility.
Naushad: It was an easy performance by Naushad. He sung Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's 'More Piya To Hai Pardes.." with such ease, so effortlessly. Deserving of the Top 12, no doubt!
Swaroop: The most 'stand-out' performance in the Top 16 was Swaroop's. His obvious physical appearance notwithstanding, the change of track from a complete folk background didn't show as he sung the filmy number 'Jaoon Kaha..' from Billoo Barber. Now it is left to see if he can do an item song, and as he said he is ready for the challenge!
Sreeram: A known singer in the south, expectations were high from him and he delivered. He sung the hugely popular yet difficult song to sing 'Guzarish...' as Salim pointed out there is very little scope for taking breaths in the song. A breathless performance!
Rakesh: He breezed through his performance with a smile, hitting the right notes of Rabbi Shergill's 'Tere Bin.." and striking the right chords with the judges and audience like.
Bhoomi: When she performed the song 'Hare Rama, Hare Krishna..' from the same film, it reminded me of Nihira Joshi, a contestant in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa some years back. She had sung it impeccably, hitting the high and the low notes with equal ease. Bhoomi performed well, but couldn't match up to Nihira. But it was good enough for her to be in my Top 12.
Lakshay: Although he sang 'Aye Khuda..' quite well, he brought more power to it and less emotion. Salim, who had sung it for 'Paathshaala' rightly stated that the song is like a request and so needed that soft touch. However, he was good. Period.
Shivam: He matched up his idol, Sonu Nigaam, in the song 'Halka-halka sa ye nasha..' and that is enough for him to sail through to the next round.
Yashraj: His 'Tum mile..' was the first performance of the second Top 16 night and he did not disappoint.
...................
Asit, Meghna, Kanika and Tia did not make it to my list. However, there is a good enough chance that Tia may come through. Her 'Shut up and bounce..' performance was something remarkable and the singing was a bit shaky in parts but really good otherwise. Meghna also stands a chance, since she held the emotion in the song 'Maeri Main Kaase Kahoon...' throughout her performance. Asit may make it only if the audience go by the popularity of the song ('Tu jaane na..') sung. His version of the song needed a lot of effort to listen to for me. Kanika however goes to my 'surely certain of not making it' list. Her performance, though good, could not come up to the level that the rest had set.
(Images courtesy: setindia)
Like any other year, the Idol is a mix-match of singers from different backgrounds but one thing that clearly stands out this year is the level of talent. It has never happened before that all the contestants have performed so well in the 'piano round' (refers to the first performance on Idol stage on national television, the start of the viewers voting system). The viewers have voted and now it is left to seen who makes it to the Top 12. I have been scratching my head trying to figure out who will make it, going by own calculation of who I thought performed better, since no single performance could be termed bad. So, here's my verdict, my own Top 12:
(in random order)
Manisha: Her 'Solemiya..' performance was flawless. She has amazing stage presence, confidence and a great vocal chord to match.
Vishwas: His rendition of 'Jalwa..' could even be termed at par with the original singer. There is a lot of confidence and voice quality which is very expressive. One could feel the words as he sang them. And he added his own touch to the song, which bowled over the judges as well!
Arpita: From the first note she hit to the last, her 'Khalbali..' was a power-packed performance. Definitely someone to watch out for.
Shashi: He jazzed up the atmosphere with his own take of A R Rahman's composed and sung title track from 'Jaane Tu Ya, Jaane Na..'. It was playful, fun and very jazzy!! Having a more classical inclination, this performance showed his versatility.
Naushad: It was an easy performance by Naushad. He sung Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's 'More Piya To Hai Pardes.." with such ease, so effortlessly. Deserving of the Top 12, no doubt!
Swaroop: The most 'stand-out' performance in the Top 16 was Swaroop's. His obvious physical appearance notwithstanding, the change of track from a complete folk background didn't show as he sung the filmy number 'Jaoon Kaha..' from Billoo Barber. Now it is left to see if he can do an item song, and as he said he is ready for the challenge!
Sreeram: A known singer in the south, expectations were high from him and he delivered. He sung the hugely popular yet difficult song to sing 'Guzarish...' as Salim pointed out there is very little scope for taking breaths in the song. A breathless performance!
Rakesh: He breezed through his performance with a smile, hitting the right notes of Rabbi Shergill's 'Tere Bin.." and striking the right chords with the judges and audience like.
Bhoomi: When she performed the song 'Hare Rama, Hare Krishna..' from the same film, it reminded me of Nihira Joshi, a contestant in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa some years back. She had sung it impeccably, hitting the high and the low notes with equal ease. Bhoomi performed well, but couldn't match up to Nihira. But it was good enough for her to be in my Top 12.
Lakshay: Although he sang 'Aye Khuda..' quite well, he brought more power to it and less emotion. Salim, who had sung it for 'Paathshaala' rightly stated that the song is like a request and so needed that soft touch. However, he was good. Period.
Shivam: He matched up his idol, Sonu Nigaam, in the song 'Halka-halka sa ye nasha..' and that is enough for him to sail through to the next round.
Yashraj: His 'Tum mile..' was the first performance of the second Top 16 night and he did not disappoint....................
Asit, Meghna, Kanika and Tia did not make it to my list. However, there is a good enough chance that Tia may come through. Her 'Shut up and bounce..' performance was something remarkable and the singing was a bit shaky in parts but really good otherwise. Meghna also stands a chance, since she held the emotion in the song 'Maeri Main Kaase Kahoon...' throughout her performance. Asit may make it only if the audience go by the popularity of the song ('Tu jaane na..') sung. His version of the song needed a lot of effort to listen to for me. Kanika however goes to my 'surely certain of not making it' list. Her performance, though good, could not come up to the level that the rest had set.
(Images courtesy: setindia)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Indian Idol Top 16 Performs On Stage
Image courtesy: setindia
The first eight contestants of the Top 16 performed on Monday night, 10th May on the Indian Idol Season 5 stage. And perhaps for the first time in its history, all the participants who performed on Idol's stage sung outstandingly. An indication of the judges' ears for talent? Maybe. Even then can it be attributed to all three of them, since Annu Malek (hope I got the spell right, too many people influenced by numerology these days, changing the spelling of their names like anything!) has been a part of all the seasons? Maybe, having Sunidhi Chauhan and Salim Merchant helped a great deal in making stringent and careful selection of the participants.
The first performance by Naushad was the harbinger of how musically sound the evening was going to be. His near-perfect rendition of Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's 'More Piya To Hai Pardes.. ' from Bandit Queen was succeeded by Tia's version of Sunidhi's 'Shut up and bounce.. ' from Dostana. Tia's singing lacked a little but she made up for it by her performance with a little ziggy-wiggy! Next up was 17-year old Meghna with Madan Mohan composed song 'Maeri Main Kaase Kahoon...' from 1970's Dastak sung by Lata Mangeshkar. She captured the essence of the song with her emotive singing, though like she herself admitted there were slight problems. It was up to Noida's Lakshay to get contemporary with Salim Merchant's recent hit 'Aye Khuda.. ' from Paathshaala. His upbeat performance was carried forward and taken to the hilt by Manisha, by far the best so far, with 'Solemiya.. ' from Popcorn Khao Mast Ho Jaawo, a forgettable film with some good music. Rakesh kept the audience smiling and cheering with his joyful rendition of 'Tere Bin.. ' from Rabbi Shergill's debut album. His performance was followed by a 'breathless' singing by Sreeram with 'Guzarish.. ' from Ghajini. The last to sing was Shivam, who pepped up the atmosphere with his performance of 'Halka-halka sa yeh nasha.. ' from Chocolate.
The audience had a gala time, so did the participants. And the judges, well, they went with the flow of the show. If at one point, they went teary-eyed because of an emotional confession of a participant*, they were up on their feet giving a standing ovation to another contestant's overwhelming performance^. But one thing remained the same throughout. They were amazed and happy with the quality of singing and performance. And two of them even performed with the contestants as well. Sunidhi fulfilled Tia dreams by singing 'Shut up.. ' along with her, while Salim teamed up with Lakshay for 'Aye Khuda..'. I say, take a bow judges and contestants alike. Now, it's the remaining eight contestants' responsibility to keep the flag flying high!
[* Sunidhi Chauhan was moved to tears when Tia, who idolises her shared her disbelieve on finally performing on the Indian Idol stage, a dream she had been harbouring for the past three years.
^ Salim Merchant's comments for Manisha's performance was a standing ovation. She was moved by the comments of the judges]
Pious Brothers Win The Amazing Race Season 16
It was a close call between the cowboy brothers and the Pious siblings. Finally, Daniel and Jordan Pious gets to the finishing line of the race first, cheered on by the rest of the contestants, taking home the $1 million grand prize.
Daniel and Jordan
Image courtesy: tv.yahoo.com
The cowboys Jet and Cord McCoy, surely gave them a run for their money finishing their task early and catching up with them. Coming in first in the eighth leg of the race despite being the last to arrive in the previous leg, the cowboys couldn't manage a similar feat in the finale. For a while it seemed they would take over when Dan and Jordan, after finishing their last task, were unable to find a taxi for a long time. I was rooting for Dan and Jordan, and it was exhilarating to watch them win it.
Brent Horne and Caite Upton were pissed at each other and the cab driver throughout the finale (not a lucky day for them!) and ended the race as the second runners up. While everybody cheered them on, Brandy and Carol could not get over the fact that they had been u-turned by them, heating up the finale. Fact is it's a race and like Caite puts it, she is the only female contestant to finish the race.
All in all, it was another entertaining season of the Amazing Race and sure fires up hope for an exciting Season 17. Can't wait to watch. But with the Amazing Race Asia Season 4 soon to be aired in a few months time, the wait should be much easier and entertaining. Well, Allan Wu it's time for you to say 'You are the first team to arrive' while Phil Keoghan goes out saying 'I am sorry to say you've been eliminated'.
Daniel and Jordan
Image courtesy: tv.yahoo.com
The cowboys Jet and Cord McCoy, surely gave them a run for their money finishing their task early and catching up with them. Coming in first in the eighth leg of the race despite being the last to arrive in the previous leg, the cowboys couldn't manage a similar feat in the finale. For a while it seemed they would take over when Dan and Jordan, after finishing their last task, were unable to find a taxi for a long time. I was rooting for Dan and Jordan, and it was exhilarating to watch them win it. Brent Horne and Caite Upton were pissed at each other and the cab driver throughout the finale (not a lucky day for them!) and ended the race as the second runners up. While everybody cheered them on, Brandy and Carol could not get over the fact that they had been u-turned by them, heating up the finale. Fact is it's a race and like Caite puts it, she is the only female contestant to finish the race.
All in all, it was another entertaining season of the Amazing Race and sure fires up hope for an exciting Season 17. Can't wait to watch. But with the Amazing Race Asia Season 4 soon to be aired in a few months time, the wait should be much easier and entertaining. Well, Allan Wu it's time for you to say 'You are the first team to arrive' while Phil Keoghan goes out saying 'I am sorry to say you've been eliminated'.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Something's Staring...
Something is staring at you right in your face... How do you escape the unflinching glance? How do you pretend there's nobody? How do you go about your daily routine when you know no matter where you go or what you do there is always going to be this shadow of an issue following you around?
It's a problem that has a way of complicating itself more when tried to be solved. It's a disease that would not kill but would accompany you to the grave. It's a wound, starting to heal but gone bad due to frequent scratching. It's like a nightmare that has not ceased to exist even after the eyes are wide open and you have woken up from your sleep. It's like your past, never prominent enough to be worried about, but always holding you back from living your present to the fullest.
It's a problem that has a way of complicating itself more when tried to be solved. It's a disease that would not kill but would accompany you to the grave. It's a wound, starting to heal but gone bad due to frequent scratching. It's like a nightmare that has not ceased to exist even after the eyes are wide open and you have woken up from your sleep. It's like your past, never prominent enough to be worried about, but always holding you back from living your present to the fullest.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Let's Live!
If we always had what we wished for we would pretty soon get bored of wishing! It’s good that disappointment is a part of life. With disappointment there’s hope, hope for the fulfillment of it the next time around. And that’s what keeps us going… going through one more day of sunshine or rain… of laughter or pain. It’s true the heartaches become too real to bear sometimes. But, we must remember that in those moments we can feel truly alive. Life makes its presence felt more strongly. Even our heartbeat is audible to us!
It’s an amazing life! The fact that with pain we feel closer to living and more distant to it with joy is a strange irony. And since nothing is forever, every moment leaves an impression that stays in our mind though the moment is lost. Life is a story of all these moments and a memory that they form. So, let’s weave these moments into a life. Let’s live!
It’s an amazing life! The fact that with pain we feel closer to living and more distant to it with joy is a strange irony. And since nothing is forever, every moment leaves an impression that stays in our mind though the moment is lost. Life is a story of all these moments and a memory that they form. So, let’s weave these moments into a life. Let’s live!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Happy Birthday, Mom!
I remember your laughter, how you’d smile mischievously and then the smile would broaden and then burst into peels of laughter. I remember your quietness, how you’d go so far away in your thoughts with a lost look in your eyes. I never knew what you thought of or what you saw in your visions, I was just glad to see a silent reassurance in your smile when I called out for you.
I remember your anger, how you’d all of a sudden go so silent on me. No word spoken or any frustrations shown just complete silence even when serving out the dinner to me. I remember your disappointments, how you’d try to still be a part of my changing life which had somehow outgrown your need in everything. You would still be there, telling me about your day and hoping I share about mine but be left disappointed every other time.
I remember your strength, how you would without a trace of worry in your face go about things bravely even in the most vulnerable times. I never knew it until the day I was a witness to it. You must be glad to know perhaps how much of that strength sister has imbibed from you. There is so much of you in her. She's making you and all of us proud.
I remember your fear, how you held onto me once and told me how afraid you were of what would happen to you. I was ill-prepared to react. That was the first time I realized you were not as strong as you’d show to us. I was scared to know that here was someone whose mere presence drove all my nightmares away and even she had fears. It was one of those rare moments when I came to realize that you were after all human with all the emotions and feelings a human could feel. It was one of those days when I realized that you too needed to be held, to be heard, to be seen, to be hugged, to be pampered, to be spoiled and to be sometimes chided and teased as well.
I hope and pray, god is pampering and spoiling you up there, as we silently celebrate your birthday today, in our own quiet ways, the way you lived your life. Don’t be sad or worry if you see us missing you once in a while. We need those moments to feel your presence in our lives. Even though we know you’d always be there with your arms around our shoulders, guiding us and letting us know we will be fine.
I remember your anger, how you’d all of a sudden go so silent on me. No word spoken or any frustrations shown just complete silence even when serving out the dinner to me. I remember your disappointments, how you’d try to still be a part of my changing life which had somehow outgrown your need in everything. You would still be there, telling me about your day and hoping I share about mine but be left disappointed every other time.
I remember your strength, how you would without a trace of worry in your face go about things bravely even in the most vulnerable times. I never knew it until the day I was a witness to it. You must be glad to know perhaps how much of that strength sister has imbibed from you. There is so much of you in her. She's making you and all of us proud.
I remember your fear, how you held onto me once and told me how afraid you were of what would happen to you. I was ill-prepared to react. That was the first time I realized you were not as strong as you’d show to us. I was scared to know that here was someone whose mere presence drove all my nightmares away and even she had fears. It was one of those rare moments when I came to realize that you were after all human with all the emotions and feelings a human could feel. It was one of those days when I realized that you too needed to be held, to be heard, to be seen, to be hugged, to be pampered, to be spoiled and to be sometimes chided and teased as well.I hope and pray, god is pampering and spoiling you up there, as we silently celebrate your birthday today, in our own quiet ways, the way you lived your life. Don’t be sad or worry if you see us missing you once in a while. We need those moments to feel your presence in our lives. Even though we know you’d always be there with your arms around our shoulders, guiding us and letting us know we will be fine.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I Was Born
9 March, 4:02 am
I was born exactly at this time, nearly three decades ago, in a small village in Manipur. Mom had not been keeping well for few months and was weak during my birth. Maibi (or dais - traditional birth attendants/midwives) was being sent for when she went into labour. But before her arrival I popped out of my mother's womb surrounded by anxious relatives. The house was humble and with too many people living in it, my mother was moved to a makeshift room during the later stage of her pregnancy. The verandah to the right side of the house, a shelter for people to sit in during festivities and/or ceremonies, was converted into an extra room with kitchen for mom's convenience.
It was Holi. The town would soon be seen reveling in the festivities. But there was double the reason for celebration in our house. Father, who was with the army, was promptly informed of my birth. He was posted in Jammu and Kashmir at that time. When the news reached him, he was out collecting snow for boiling drinking water. He says he threw the container away and ran like a madman to receive the call.
I am the only one who was born in my hometown in a remote village, Sugnu. So, besides my mother's milk I was fed on chabon - a starchy liquid formed during the process of cooking rice in a pot. When the water begins to dry, the starchy liquid is collected from the top and after adding a pinch of salt it is fed to the baby. It was a poor man's cerelac! My brother and sister would sometimes gang up on me saying I am a lawai macha (a gawar or dehati - a village bumpkin) while they were born in cities and grew up on cerelac! The teasing bit was also because I could not speak my mother tongue - Manipuri properly. It was more crude and rustic. It's another thing I still can't!
Despite our different circumstances and the different environment we were born in , we have somehow managed to turn out good. And despite leaving our hometowns for studies then work, staying together then separately, we are still connected.
And as
today I think of where life has brought me and how much it has shaped and moulded me through the years, I find myself celebrating my birth with these two wonderful beings I call family.
With our celebrations I rejoice and remember and miss the person who gave life to us, knowing somehow that a corner of the Heaven must be celebrating with us too...
I was born exactly at this time, nearly three decades ago, in a small village in Manipur. Mom had not been keeping well for few months and was weak during my birth. Maibi (or dais - traditional birth attendants/midwives) was being sent for when she went into labour. But before her arrival I popped out of my mother's womb surrounded by anxious relatives. The house was humble and with too many people living in it, my mother was moved to a makeshift room during the later stage of her pregnancy. The verandah to the right side of the house, a shelter for people to sit in during festivities and/or ceremonies, was converted into an extra room with kitchen for mom's convenience.
It was Holi. The town would soon be seen reveling in the festivities. But there was double the reason for celebration in our house. Father, who was with the army, was promptly informed of my birth. He was posted in Jammu and Kashmir at that time. When the news reached him, he was out collecting snow for boiling drinking water. He says he threw the container away and ran like a madman to receive the call.
I am the only one who was born in my hometown in a remote village, Sugnu. So, besides my mother's milk I was fed on chabon - a starchy liquid formed during the process of cooking rice in a pot. When the water begins to dry, the starchy liquid is collected from the top and after adding a pinch of salt it is fed to the baby. It was a poor man's cerelac! My brother and sister would sometimes gang up on me saying I am a lawai macha (a gawar or dehati - a village bumpkin) while they were born in cities and grew up on cerelac! The teasing bit was also because I could not speak my mother tongue - Manipuri properly. It was more crude and rustic. It's another thing I still can't!
Despite our different circumstances and the different environment we were born in , we have somehow managed to turn out good. And despite leaving our hometowns for studies then work, staying together then separately, we are still connected.
And as
today I think of where life has brought me and how much it has shaped and moulded me through the years, I find myself celebrating my birth with these two wonderful beings I call family.With our celebrations I rejoice and remember and miss the person who gave life to us, knowing somehow that a corner of the Heaven must be celebrating with us too...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Learning To Let Go, Learning To Live
What do we do when we know our lives are not what it was suppose to be? But what exactly are our lives suppose to be? For a fact, we know that this or that is what we want to be doing or what we want to achieve… a good job, a great house, a car, nice little family, etc… etc… How do we define the lives that we are supposed to be living? Is there a picture or an image of how everything, every little detail of our lives, would be pieced together? Can there be a moment or a series of moments where we can feel and see and experience the lives that we know we want to be living? Is there even something called a life we are supposed to be living? Isn’t all these only a figment of our imagination, our dreams, our hopes, our perspectives, our ideals of how things should be?
I guess the whole idea is to let go of the ‘idea’ itself… of letting go of trying to control everything in our lives, and start appreciating them for what they are… even when they are lost, being thankful for their presence however short their stay might have been, then letting go… moving on… with no excess baggage… how on earth do you expect to take another step forward if you haven’t even lifted your foot from where it was before on the ground? You need to lift it up, completely, to be able to move on and continue…
To just give in to what you feel at the moment… we plan, we think, we envision… but the best moments are those where we just surrender to them, and live them…
Rules may be important, but when it comes to a life… remember there is nothing better than having no rules at all… life can never be closed… it’s open… give it the freedom it needs… let it be free… and then perhaps you will see, you are no longer tied up anymore yourself…
I guess the whole idea is to let go of the ‘idea’ itself… of letting go of trying to control everything in our lives, and start appreciating them for what they are… even when they are lost, being thankful for their presence however short their stay might have been, then letting go… moving on… with no excess baggage… how on earth do you expect to take another step forward if you haven’t even lifted your foot from where it was before on the ground? You need to lift it up, completely, to be able to move on and continue…
To just give in to what you feel at the moment… we plan, we think, we envision… but the best moments are those where we just surrender to them, and live them…
Rules may be important, but when it comes to a life… remember there is nothing better than having no rules at all… life can never be closed… it’s open… give it the freedom it needs… let it be free… and then perhaps you will see, you are no longer tied up anymore yourself…
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Cherry Blossom - Short Story
A narrow lane to the right from the main road leads straight to his house. On the other side of the road opposite the lane stands an old Cherry Blossom tree. Sipping on a warm cup of tea, watching the sun rise on a cold winter day from his balcony, he could not help but marvel at its pink blossoms. He silently greeted the old friend who had grown so much since the last time he saw it. He knew it would be thinking the same thing about him. Seven years is a long time. He was now standing on the same land he once called his home, only difference was that it was a house newly constructed. He was happy to be where he was but his mind was restless.
Silently he conversed with the Cherry Blossom tree. They talked about the early days of their lives. He laughed as Cherry recollected how he would run with his school bag all the way home from the road, then come out to play without changing his clothes, his mother shouting at him to change his clothes from behind. Cherry further added how he would always be with his mother all the time, going for evening shopping for groceries with her and helping her carry it home. 'You were always the good son'. He sighed, 'I was' and emptied his cup of tea. He went in, kept the cup on the table and wrapped himself in a shawl. Cherry laughed saying that he had become weak now, needing protection from a little cold wind which never bothered him earlier. He smiled.
'Daddy!' a young boy of four came running towards him.
'Good Morning, dear! Is your mom up as well?'
'Yes, daddy.'
'Pradeep, come and brush your teeth and mom will make breakfast for you,' a young woman in her late 20s entered the room. Pradeep moved himself close to his daddy saying he would do it later. But he told him to go down with mom so that he could get ready and go shopping after breakfast. Pradeep hurried along excitedly with his mother.
Cherry looked pleasantly surprised by what he saw and heard. He told him that he had married the same year he left the town, with his college sweetheart. 'You mean Kusum? Cherry exclaimed! He nodded saying they were both working at the same place and so after a few months decided to get married. Pradeep was born the following year. He is adorable! Ya, he is. They were silent for a while.
He was trying hard not to remember the circumstances in which he had left the town. But in vain. Soon the past flashed before him in quick succession. The news of the accident. The funeral procession of both his parents. Relatives coaxing him to give them the charge of the property. His fights and arguments with them in the middle of his final exams. His crying over his loss and his loneliness, being the only child. Cherry saw his young friend's eyes watering up and said 'You have turned out quite well kid. They must be really proud of you.' Wiping off the tears, he looked up and smiled.
After his exams, he had taken up a part-time job with a magazine and later worked as a permanent staff for the same in Delhi. He had rented out two rooms in the house to manage his expenses since he did not want to touch the emergency funds his parents had left in his name. Two persons stood by him through it all, his eldest uncle and Kusum. Defying conventions she had stayed in his house for a month after the accident, even at the cost of constant arguments from her family. With time things took a better turn when they realised the two of them were serious about each other. After the result was out he was offered a permanent post for the same magazine but he would have to move to Delhi, the main office. He took up the post and left the house under the care of his uncle. Kusum decided to join him and applied at the same magazine. She was a topper and could have got a fine job in a much bigger company. So, it was no wonder that she was selected.
They soon settled down in Delhi. Work kept him busy enough to worry about anything else and having Kusum by his side helped a great deal. By November they had married in a temple, in a small ceremony attended by his uncle and Kusum's parents. With time they had build a support system of few good friends. A new family. A new life. The birth of Pradeep seemed to complete their world. However, it was not home as they knew it. Kusum knew he missed his home, the world where he came from even though he never showed any signs of discontentment. She could see it in his eyes, in moments when he would be lost in his memories. Signs only someone who knew him well like she did could see. One day she told him that they could start renovating the place with their savings and be home again. He was surprised and brushed aside the idea stating it would be difficult to start all over again since they have already settled well in Delhi. Kusum didn't give up easily and came out with plans to re-do the house, having a nice little balcony to see the sunrise in the morning, a colourful room for Pradeep and what not. Finally he gave in. Soon they involved his uncle and work was underway to reconstruct the house. After two years, they were now finally home.
As the sun shone brilliantly behind the Cherry Blossom, he knew he would have to end the conversation soon. The streets were no longer empty and soon it would be echoing the footsteps and laughter of school children, gossips and chats of the young and the old. He thanked Cherry with all his heart for sharing his life with him and hoped that he would continue to watch over the house which now builds a new home! Cherry smiled, shedding his pink blossoms.
Silently he conversed with the Cherry Blossom tree. They talked about the early days of their lives. He laughed as Cherry recollected how he would run with his school bag all the way home from the road, then come out to play without changing his clothes, his mother shouting at him to change his clothes from behind. Cherry further added how he would always be with his mother all the time, going for evening shopping for groceries with her and helping her carry it home. 'You were always the good son'. He sighed, 'I was' and emptied his cup of tea. He went in, kept the cup on the table and wrapped himself in a shawl. Cherry laughed saying that he had become weak now, needing protection from a little cold wind which never bothered him earlier. He smiled.
'Daddy!' a young boy of four came running towards him.
'Good Morning, dear! Is your mom up as well?'
'Yes, daddy.'
'Pradeep, come and brush your teeth and mom will make breakfast for you,' a young woman in her late 20s entered the room. Pradeep moved himself close to his daddy saying he would do it later. But he told him to go down with mom so that he could get ready and go shopping after breakfast. Pradeep hurried along excitedly with his mother.
Cherry looked pleasantly surprised by what he saw and heard. He told him that he had married the same year he left the town, with his college sweetheart. 'You mean Kusum? Cherry exclaimed! He nodded saying they were both working at the same place and so after a few months decided to get married. Pradeep was born the following year. He is adorable! Ya, he is. They were silent for a while.
He was trying hard not to remember the circumstances in which he had left the town. But in vain. Soon the past flashed before him in quick succession. The news of the accident. The funeral procession of both his parents. Relatives coaxing him to give them the charge of the property. His fights and arguments with them in the middle of his final exams. His crying over his loss and his loneliness, being the only child. Cherry saw his young friend's eyes watering up and said 'You have turned out quite well kid. They must be really proud of you.' Wiping off the tears, he looked up and smiled.
After his exams, he had taken up a part-time job with a magazine and later worked as a permanent staff for the same in Delhi. He had rented out two rooms in the house to manage his expenses since he did not want to touch the emergency funds his parents had left in his name. Two persons stood by him through it all, his eldest uncle and Kusum. Defying conventions she had stayed in his house for a month after the accident, even at the cost of constant arguments from her family. With time things took a better turn when they realised the two of them were serious about each other. After the result was out he was offered a permanent post for the same magazine but he would have to move to Delhi, the main office. He took up the post and left the house under the care of his uncle. Kusum decided to join him and applied at the same magazine. She was a topper and could have got a fine job in a much bigger company. So, it was no wonder that she was selected.
They soon settled down in Delhi. Work kept him busy enough to worry about anything else and having Kusum by his side helped a great deal. By November they had married in a temple, in a small ceremony attended by his uncle and Kusum's parents. With time they had build a support system of few good friends. A new family. A new life. The birth of Pradeep seemed to complete their world. However, it was not home as they knew it. Kusum knew he missed his home, the world where he came from even though he never showed any signs of discontentment. She could see it in his eyes, in moments when he would be lost in his memories. Signs only someone who knew him well like she did could see. One day she told him that they could start renovating the place with their savings and be home again. He was surprised and brushed aside the idea stating it would be difficult to start all over again since they have already settled well in Delhi. Kusum didn't give up easily and came out with plans to re-do the house, having a nice little balcony to see the sunrise in the morning, a colourful room for Pradeep and what not. Finally he gave in. Soon they involved his uncle and work was underway to reconstruct the house. After two years, they were now finally home.
As the sun shone brilliantly behind the Cherry Blossom, he knew he would have to end the conversation soon. The streets were no longer empty and soon it would be echoing the footsteps and laughter of school children, gossips and chats of the young and the old. He thanked Cherry with all his heart for sharing his life with him and hoped that he would continue to watch over the house which now builds a new home! Cherry smiled, shedding his pink blossoms.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Faking Life!
"I am looking at you and though it speaks nothing good about you, it does make me feel good that I can at least see clearly the lines time is drawing so generously on your brows. It's depressing to see the sorry state of affairs you are in. What a mess you have made out of your life. You must envy me, don't you? Still looking good and still popular. I bet you wish you had a life like mine! In your dreams, buddy! In your dreams!"
So, spoke a man one late morning, looking at the image of a man approaching his thirties in the mirror. It wasn't denial to him. It was his best defense mechanism against feeling pity or regret or guilt. What would acceptance reveal to him? There was too much hidden behind those eyes that had seen so much already. All the wrong choices would surface. All that was lost would come calling for few more tears from him and heart full of regrets would follow.All the dreams followed halfheartedly would complain of his lack of perseverance and faith in them. He knew he was more pitiable than those who lived life without making any attempts to hide their miseries. At least they were honest. He didn't have the courage to either accept his mistakes and take responsibility or face the consequences. However, feigning ignorance to it all added another day of hope to his life. It gave him the strength to live on and face the world again. It was the only way he had learned to survive. It was his only chance of starting anew, with a clean slate.
Confident and assured he would step out of his house. Long strides and a smile on his face. But a sinking feeling would occasionally make him go weak in the knees. He knew it was all a facade to cover up a meaningless existence he lead in the name of life.
So, spoke a man one late morning, looking at the image of a man approaching his thirties in the mirror. It wasn't denial to him. It was his best defense mechanism against feeling pity or regret or guilt. What would acceptance reveal to him? There was too much hidden behind those eyes that had seen so much already. All the wrong choices would surface. All that was lost would come calling for few more tears from him and heart full of regrets would follow.All the dreams followed halfheartedly would complain of his lack of perseverance and faith in them. He knew he was more pitiable than those who lived life without making any attempts to hide their miseries. At least they were honest. He didn't have the courage to either accept his mistakes and take responsibility or face the consequences. However, feigning ignorance to it all added another day of hope to his life. It gave him the strength to live on and face the world again. It was the only way he had learned to survive. It was his only chance of starting anew, with a clean slate.
Confident and assured he would step out of his house. Long strides and a smile on his face. But a sinking feeling would occasionally make him go weak in the knees. He knew it was all a facade to cover up a meaningless existence he lead in the name of life.
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