Family – The One We Are Born With & The Ones We Make Of Our Own

A family is one that stays together. How true is it in today’s world? Not very true. We all have to build our own lives and achieve and fulfill our own individual dreams. The pursuit of our aspirations and desires take us to places where we have never been before, meeting new people, facing new challenges and living miles away from the family which meant our world when we were younger. Each one of us take our own journey trying to build our own world. In this search, we end up being far from those we love.

It does not in any way mean our hearts are no longer fonder and our love no longer stronger. The world today has become so fast and quick-footed that in order to keep moving, to keep standing upright and not fall while hundreds and thousands are walking about around you, we have to keep our momentum going. As such a family today has come to exists only in its spirit and not in presence; the spirit of togetherness and closeness as strong as ever, but just too rarely possible to embody this spirit. Somehow we end up being alone for most part of our lives. Agreed that the family lives on but one has to agree that it does not fill up the emptiness of missing the moments of sharing few laughs, few bites of one’s favourite dishes, few hugs and few kisses.

How often and how long can one keep on talking over the phone and chatting on the internet? Though complete, we somehow always end up wishing things were different and we could be living together, knowing fully that it is but only a wishful thinking! Moreover, differences will always crop up and a little distance helps in avoiding the small, silly insignificant problems. With distance the trivial things tend to not matter that much or become totally irrelevant. Focus moves on to the more important aspects of the relationships; forging a deeper connection, comforting and encouraging each other, giving that bit of thrust and energy to keep walking on the journey. And though one does wish to be together, the new found level of togetherness and bonding makes up for the physical shortcomings. Ironically, family becomes a much more integral part of one’s life somehow.

It is not that we don’t get those emotional pangs every once in a while. We do and perhaps that’s the very reason why we seek to make friends and while interacting with people around us we tend to develop an emotional bonding with those we connect with at different level from others. With time we end up making a small world of our own, filling up those spaces that left a void in our lives. Agreed that some voids are not possible to fill up but that’s the reality of life. Not every question needs an answer. Not all emptiness needs to be filled. Some breathing space needs to be there so that the individual can grow.

So, we end up building a small world around us of people who we care for and who care for us as well. They help you sail through some trying times, glide through the sticky situations and fly through happy moments. There’s no denying the importance of family. One cannot describe how and why one needs it. It’s one’s family after all. Though one is always together in spirit as one unit… the group of people around us - our friends - make up for the absence of the family… for most part of it. And our world becomes… not exactly perfect… but almost complete. Almost.

Almost something is better than almost nothing, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you agree? Sometimes ‘almost good enough’ is good enough to inspire us to keep going.

STUCK BETWEEN ERSTWHILE FRIENDS...

If you have different set of friends and some of them don't get along all too well, it becomes difficult to 'coordinate' your schedule. And specially when you are in good terms with all of them, it is hard to detach yourself from the conversations that may turn harsh or rude in some way or the other. No matter if the arguments or the comments are justified, the position you find yourself in is awkward to say the least. It is like you find excuses to be out of the conversation or to give out any reaction. How do you react? I have no clue whatsoever. I tend to move about here and there if I have the freedom of space around me. In case we are all seating in a restaurant or a place like that, then it is somewhat hard to do so. It is in such a situation that it is hard to hide your discomfort. The best you can do is to hope that the conversation ends soon and you don't have to bear the torture for long.

I have found myself in such a situation many a times. The discomfort and the weirdness is to be felt to be known. And when it gets a bit too much, I interrupt very frankly and suggest we talk about something else. Sometimes the request is complied to so very promptly that the awkwardness ends in just a matter of a minute or so. At other times it leads to a series of comments that would be targeted at me being the 'good' friend or the 'real' pal of the person concerned and how I would always advocate for rather than against him/her. I take it as it is, knowing fully that at least it would in a way put an end to the odd feeling in me.

Misunderstandings can be solved sometimes. At other times when it has escalated to a point of bitterness and intolerance nothing can be done. One then has to just cope with the bitterness, somehow or the other. Even though one would have wished for things to be otherwise, that at least both sides talked it out somehow or made an effort to clear the misunderstandings and the doubts. Sometimes it is just a wishful thinking and one can only pray at some point in time in the near or far future, things are normal again. It is strange how things concerning two people can change so much in your own life! Especially when you have had no role in the 'breaking up' of the ties. If your friends are understanding to the fact that you are a friend to both and they can't expect you to take sides whatsoever, it becomes much easier. I'm wise enough to not discuss stuff about one to the other. That in a way at least helps in maintaining some sanity in my own life.

When the friends expect you to choose one or the other, I just end up choosing none of them. I see a breach of friendship when such a demand is made and such a situation arises for real. I have lost out on some friends because of this; those with whom I have shared great rapport. But when it comes to such nonsensical and meaningless aspects of friendship devoid of any reasoning, it just isn't worth it for me to continue. When some things end, they herald the beginning of the end of other things around it as well.

It is not easy to find people whom you genuinely like and with whom you truly connect. And it is sad that one has to lose a lot of such people in your life in such a manner.

NO ATTYACHAR... JUST EMOTIONAL YAAR!!

There is a time and place for everything. But deciding what time suits which place and which friends is a hard task! So, we put our managerial skills to use [if we have had any... if not then we can just pretend!]

"Tomorrow morning would be purrrfect! Ya, see ya there. Take care. Bye!"

"You have off tomorrow? Hmm... actually I'm already meeting some friends and will be kinda busy so can we do this some other time. What about Sunday? Oh! you are not free. Let's do this next week, please. Really sorry but I'm tight up this week. Okay? Ya, will surely call. Bye!"

"7pm? Tomorrow evening show? Ya, I have heard about the movie. We should see it soon, many movies are releasing this Friday. Ya, I know. I will be there and will wait for you. I have some work in the morning so will be out and about. Try to make it. Day after may not work out well. See ya!"

"You are having a party? I thought we were suppose to meet up for lunch or something? Plan changed? Okay. But I might be late. I have some work in the evening. Meeting a friend actually. Who else are coming? Okay, she'll be there. Oh! both of them are coming as well. What about him? Is he going to stay over? Okay. Ya, I will be coming but I won't be able to make it any sooner than 10pm or so. Ya, fine. Bye. Goodnight."

:-) [smiling the smile of satisfaction, like when you crave for an ice-cream of a particular flavour and get to eat it as well!]

After so much of planning around, if things would not have worked out then it had to be something else than my 'Plan-manship'. Right?

But no sweat. Things worked out just fine. With only a few hitch. Problem is the hitch was a Miss. But the miss was chilled out so there wasn't really a hitch in the first place! So, ya... still smiling!

From smoky conversations to breezy talks... from walled opinions to open(-terraced) thoughts... from musical attyachar to harmonious choruses... from 'sappy' tea to 'holy' journeys...

It was just few hours but what to say? Of a lifetime of memories few good 'ol friends can make!

:-D