A FRIENDLY SMOKE

I went inside the room. I looked around – the bed was neatly made, books and magazines well-placed on the shelf which also had room for other stuff like DVDs and stationery, floor had just been mobbed and was still a little wet. I realised my arrival on short notice had my friend running around the room, tidying up things and mopping the floor.

“See, I clean my house,” she announced very proudly. “I don’t need you around to do it.”

I just smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. There was a pack of cigarettes on her bed. I opened the pack. She had already smoked 4 out of the 20 cigarettes in the pack. I instinctively took one out, got up and started looking for a matchbox. I found one on the table and went out to the small balcony and lit my cigarette.

I don’t smoke. I don’t like smoking. I have only smoked once or twice in my life just as an experiment. The first time to figure out what the fuss was all about. When I didn’t find anything to fuss about it I didn’t smoke another one. The second time was at a later stage in life when I wanted to find out how long it takes to smoke a cigarette if one was puffing it continuously and if one was having a conversation in between.

“Going out and smoking, huh? Whom are you trying to check out?” That was her reaction apart from a little surprised look when I had taken the cigarette out in the first place.

I knew she was thinking why this guy was smoking, when she knew that I don’t really smoke. But she knew I was matured enough to make my own decisions and understand the consequences of my action. She gave me that much credibility as a person and that much of a space as a friend.

I didn't smoke another one. In fact, I could not even finish the first one. She finished the remaining half. What I am trying to say is that most of the times we tend to be too judgemental and too opinionated about people and things. We tend to blur the line between giving a sound advice and encroaching upon others’ personal space. Every relation has its own limits and boundaries; and it differs between each individual relation. But within each relation there must exist a line beyond which if anything is said or done it becomes an act of disrespect towards the individual. It no longer is civil or tolerable but rather an intrusion.

A good friend is one who knows when to play silence and when it is time to play the music.

A good friend is one who knows when to fill that silence and when to hear that music.

And there is no lesson better than the ones learnt by ourselves through our own actions and our own experiences. If it is a bad one then well, it tends to leave a bitter aftertaste. So was the same with me. The cigarette left a bitter taste in my mouth and I was making such faces that my friend had to laugh before she asked me, ‘Enjoyed it, huh?’

Will I smoke another cigarette? Thank you but I will pass.

ONE MORE? YA, SURE!!!

When your friends are in a generous mood it is always better to make the most of their generosity 'cause you never know when their mood might just start swinging!!

The first one was refreshing. Refreshing with a capital 'R'. Change always changes something or the other in you. It may lead you or put an end to something good or something bad. It may stir something in you. Fear. Doubt. Pleasure. Joy. Disgust. Anything. Any feeling in you. But that first one was refreshing for me. It felt good. It went down well with me. The first day of celebration, celebration of an end and a beginning. Good or bad. No idea. But it sure did feel refreshing.

The second one tasted sweet. Maybe the 'dew' overflowed a little. Maybe the sweet talk got to me. People say I am 'sweet'. How does it feel to be perceived as a sweet person? But first tell me, what makes a person sweet? Is it if one is easy with one's opinions and don't say or dare say what is exactly on his mind 'cause it would create some kind of a conflict? Is that how I see myself? To some extend yes. I do avoid conflict. It isn't easy really 'all-that-great' to see a fight erupt over something as trivial as 'Who put the papers on top of my table?' or something similar. It's just wastage of one's energy and precious time to argue over something like that. Then what is it that makes me sweet. Perhaps because it concerns me when I see somebody upset or when I see that someone is not really their own self. And if with few words or little gestures I can make someone else happy and in doing so if I become 'sweet' in their eyes than so be it. I mean, isn't the purpose of life to be 'happy'. No matter what you do or where you go to, the basic human need is just to be happy and feel joy within. We set goals and strive to achieve them only because we know that we would be happy when we have done that. The challenges of life may be many and varied but their treasure is just the same. Happiness is all we want, in the end.

The third one, didn't know where it went. It was the fourth that felt like a snap on my head. The drink was now working its, what shall I say, 'Magic!' It becomes essential sometimes to let life take its own course and let its many charms be revealed to you. It becomes essential, almost a necessity to let go... surrender sometimes. Let the universe guide you, hold you and take you to wherever it is that you need to be. Being in control and in power is a good feeling, no doubt. But there are times when it feels a lot better when you just surrender to the moment. After all control is only an illusion we have invented to have a sense of power over things we can't understand.

The fifth left a bitter after-taste. The sixth stood silent, unstirred and unshaken for a very long while. It isn't easy to do certain things again, after one has experienced displeasure doing it the last time. Doesn't matter if you have done it several times before. It's always the most recent one that matters, 'cause its memory is still very much fresh and alive in you. Almost as if it happened just a while ago. We hesitate sometimes. Become skeptical of certain things or events or people in our lives. It is natural. That doesn't mean we stop trying. But it also doesn't mean we rush into it without much care. Otherwise mistakes and misadventures would just be the same as any other experiences. They have to teach us and we need to learn from them. That's how we grow. Taking chances always, but with greater knowledge of what could fail.

I do not remember the seventh. I do not remember the eight. Was eight my last? Or are seventh and eight the same? Well, anyways. But I do remember the last. And it went all right in, in just a matter of seconds! There are times when we have to hurry things up. Be quick. Think fast. Act swift. No time to ponder or wonder how it would be. Just few fractions of a second to do so and do it right. And to stick to your judgement... your decision. If it works out. Fine. If it does not. Then well, you learn from it and do better the next time. Then there are times when hurrying things only ruins everything that we had done up till that very moment.

Then there are also times when all these talks make no sense and are of no use at all. In times like this, intelligent or philosophical, healing or spiritual, no conversation matters. Because you are so tired and exhausted that you simply want to fall down on your bed and die. And everything becomes... zzzzzzzzzzzzz