Follow Your Heart And Hit Destination Happiness!

The heart speaks to us every moment, every day. Sometimes it keeps on tugging at the very string of our existence so much so that we wish if it could shut up for good. Our lives are built around the milestones where we have either truly listened to our hearts or muffled its voice. Those are the times, the twists and the turns which define our lives. Those moments are what make our lives remarkable. The critical points where we decided to step up or step out, walk in or walk out, believe or doubt, trust or betray, fall or rise, surrender or fight, hold on or let go… they make the person that we become, the emotions and thoughts we harbor, they make our lives.

Life’s choices are options in disguise of circumstances and situations which ordain our destiny. The choices make us who we are. Whether we are going in for something or out of it or don’t do anything about it, no matter what, we always end up choosing. The option to not choose is also a choice by default. When we make a choice, we may either be following our heart or turning a deaf ear towards its mumblings. Where do our choices lead us then? Does it fill our lives with happiness or do we still hunger for it?

The way we are, we all want happiness in our lives. Anything happy or joyous attracts us and makes us feel good inside. Nobody wants to befriend sorrow or disappointments in life. If our make up is such then certainly our hearts would surely want something happy and joyous for the person in whom it is beating. The heart’s wishes and longings in its barest and truest form, only speaks of what would bring happiness to us. No partiality or inclination digress a true heart’s desire. Its intentions are always true and genuine, like those of a young child barely few years old. For in today’s time even a child, who has just become 2 digit years old, fails to remain uncorrupted by the ways of the world! The uncorrupted and undiluted hearts’ wishes when followed right to the ‘T’ would then only result in happiness. The catch however is, we don’t consciously look for happiness when we are kids. It is not a thought out thought or planned out action. It’s just how it is. Like when you ‘just be’ sometimes. But once we grow up, our actions and decisions tend to become less and less involuntary and more and more calculated or thought out. The genuineness of the heart fails to transform into a genuine act. Then there are just heartaches and disappointments galore. The fault isn’t in the hearts’ murmurs but in the medium through which we translate and decipher its words. We can feel as chilled at the height of summer in an AC room as in winter. The air blowing through the vent may compel you or even succeed in making you feel you are in the coldest place on the planet. But the freshness and the chills of the wind blowing in your face and ruffling your clothes as you stand with your arms stretched wide open atop a mountain is something else altogether. Pure and pristine, cold and calming, what it does to you and how it makes you feel is completely different from the experience in an AC room. When we hear our heart speak and carefully listen to it, catching every word, every sound, every expression and understanding what it is trying to tell us and acting on it without much ado is when we can know for sure, wherever it is that our hearts are taking us, our happiness lies there.

HOW TO SLEEP WELL EVEN IN OFFICE

Instruction Manual:

* Make sure it's the day your boss would not be expecting much from you
* Try and keep as silent as possible
* Be determined to lay low so no one misses you when you doze off
* Having a cubicle with a partition would really help
* A lot of leg room would help as well
* Turn deaf when any work is about to come to you so that it diverts off by default
* Appear lost throughout
* Awesome if you are always lost, no matter what
* Pray for a sluggish weather
* Pray also for a no-show from your boss

Things to AVOID AT ALL COST!

* Making any kind of sound while sleeping
* No, sound sleep doesn't mean snoring while sleeping
* Snoring should be a punishable offense for making life difficult for other peaceful office sleepers
* Try not to be caught
* If caught taking a nap, act lost
* If you are always lost then nothing like it!

I didn't know when I slept. I know when I laid my head down and closed my eyes. But I don't remember when I slept. I came to know only when I woke up. So, in all probability it was an involuntary action of the body and the mind with no co-relation with my conscious and alert mind. Even if I had slumbered off I should not be accounted responsible since I was venturing into the world of dreams for inspiration which otherwise was lacking in the real world of f***ed up systems. Therefore, it should come under non-punishable offense and taken as a warning for those who leave behind a staff lost without directions and finding no other means of inspiration than in the dreamworld.

RABIPUR TO JAIPUR AND BACK TO RABIPUR AGAIN

So, did the dog bite actually act as a catalyst for my desire to get out of the city even if for a short while? Maybe yes! Blessing in disguise, I guess. But not really a happy route to achieve something one wants, considering not just the pain of the bite but the piercing of the needles as well. I got my injections not one but two at a time, one for tetanus and the other one 'Rabipur' for the dog bite itself. Both were intramuscular injections. I will have to admit it hurt being my first ever injection below the belt and the first one in years!

After my first Rabipur I was in Jaipur within a couple of days. I had thought of making the most of the 3 continuous holidays but also realised it would not be an easy task to carry out. It was all in my head.

Talked and thought it out with my friend Sunny from the night before to most part of the day. Another one of our friend, Pammi, later joined in. After much contemplation, deciding, not deciding, apprehension on my friend's part, hesitation for permission, almost 'no' permission to a 'yes' permission, not able to start in the evening itself to starting out late, a hell of a rain on the way to spooky roadways, almost running out of petrol to making it and more with the feared quantity, dread of a hot summery days to drizzly cold nights and day, running up the fort, feeling on top of the world, finding our 'sweet' spot to getting blown away by the 'top', misguiding an old fellow with a 1km scare to laughing our hearts out on the way back, extreme close-up of our filthy mouths to a 'night duel' on the bed, an impromptu climb up a rocky mountain to really feeling like on top of the world, a dead man on the highway to three 'just lived till exhausted' men on the way back home - it was simply a trip to remember.

Once back it was time to get going again, for the dog had bitten and gone, but I was still to pay for its deed. And this time, the nurse got me a little more pain than the last time. I wonder if they get a kick out of it? Perhaps they do. A little excitement in a mundane life is always a welcome change. Like our sojourn to the pink city added something to our lives and changed it in some way or the other. I have realised some things.

I have thought out a hell lot of other things. The unpredictability of life is what makes it worth living. The excitement is the highest when the predictability is the lowest. Once we set it in our minds, we will perhaps learn to live... not try to or yearn to... but live, in real.

And in those couple of days we perhaps lived in real. Although we are back to the realities of our own lives now, the feeling of having lived those moments would always see us through till another one of those trip comes to the rescue. So, cheers to the moments!

How To Get Yourself Bitten By A Dog

Instruction Manual:

* Have a look that says you are drunk tired
* Make sure you are late from work the night before
* Hold nothing in your hands
* Carry a huge bag full of nothings
* Walk stealthily like a thief
* Act as you don't see the dog
* Hum an old forgettable classic
* Ignore the dog and carry on with your business

I did just that, and that's how I got bitten by a dog! You don't need to follow the instructions to the 'T'. Try and be more innovative and creative. Know and read the dog's mind, which social strata the dog belongs to, what kind of people would he be interested in biting, go to that place where you would qualify as the ideal target, visualise what kind of activities you need to be doing to attract the dog's unwanted attention, make sure whatever you do is a bite-led activity, the first interaction is crucial in order to generate the curiosity in a dog to actually waste his crucial bite on you, ask yourself the question 'If you were a dog what would make you bite yourself?'

And when you do get yourself bitten don't run from the site, just act stupid and still for a second or two, then keep walking as if nothing happened. After walking a while, flash that victorious smile on your face for having achieved your goal and actually making the dog believe that it was his own doing. And if he regrets biting you, it would be his guilt and nothing would be bugging your conscience. So, what's stopping you? Go and get a bite!

Good Night, Good Morning and Good Whatever!

Getting back to the good old habits is very easy to do so. The mind and the body tend to return to its usual rhythm when they have detected a change in its patterns. A change no matter how beneficial or healthy if found unsuitable by the body is faced with an enormous resistance. It takes a really resolute and determined mind to undermine the resistance of the body. It’s a long fight till the change becomes a habit.

He had been trying to make the changes into a habit for the past few months now. The only problem being the fact that there wasn’t a constant pace in which his life was moving. The non-uniform media life was followed by a relaxed and comfortable long break succeeded by an unstable phase of finding a job and then adjusting to a new way of professional life. Finally, when the healthy rhythm started to set in, his old ‘news’ life greeted him in a reincarnated form.

Walking back home at 3am in the morning, he met some strange stares from the policemen at the check post, stranger glances from two-three people taking a stroll on the street and initial wild barks from dogs which later turned into slow howling as they approached him from behind with their tails wagging generously. As he reached his home, he couldn’t help smile at the way things had turned out to be. He had longed for a regular and routine life. Not the 9-5 job but at least some sense of working hours. Although it was one of the rare days or nights, he felt a sense of déjà-vu in the way things were beginning to take shape. Every job is at the end of the day just the same. It is work and nothing else. Doesn’t matter if the whens and hows feel unjustified sometimes, the fact of the matter is work needs to be done. That’s it. As plainly and bluntly put. Time had always been a constraint with him and even now it was a luxury he had to work hard for. The irony is, there is not enough time when his heart is set on something, but there’s ample to waste when nothing is all he has for company.

Once he got back home, he got fresh and after having something to eat called it a night. Finally some rest. He had been frustrated almost the whole day in office. The inability to crack any ideas or come up with some concepts had bothered him since morning. And staying awake till late the night before didn’t seem to help with his failure to launch into brilliant arrays of ideas and concepts. His mind was as barren as it ever was.

As office hours came to an end, it was time for goodbyes and goodnights. But the work had just started for him. The lights at the empty cubicles had been switched off. Only two cabins were still well lit and well populated. It was at times like this when he felt if work can at all justify for the lost life, the lost moments and the lost time. A few good moments with loved ones, sharing a good laugh or two, catching up with old friends and teasing each other, after all life is really about the people in one’s life more than anything else.

The work got going at a very slow pace. The feeling in him was similar to the one who was in a hurry but he was driving behind someone enjoying the slow drive with all the time in the world, that too in a narrow lane. Hours piled up like some old archived files which needed to be sorted and a feeling of another weekend gone to waste sunk in within him. But he was adamant he wasn’t going to let it control his life. So, he got along with his work and did his best. Somehow the best wasn’t enough on this particular night. His efforts turned futile one by one and he could slowly see his spirit was falling to pieces.

Lying on his bed, everything felt at peace once again. But the broken pieces take time to come together and mend. And the scars… they lay hidden or visible… reminders of a time he may well forget to think about, but would leave him feeling broken all over again.

DEADLINES OR DEAD LINES!

Meeting deadlines means one is closer to the fulfillment of one's target and ultimately one's goal. The time and effort taken, collectively as well as on an individual level is humongous. Each one plays their part. A lack of enthusiasm or ideas on one's part may hinder the progress of the work as a whole. One must realise the significance and the importance of one's role in any work that is not independent but involves team work. It is at such times that I find myself under-performing or missing out on some details which by any means should not have been left out in the first place. It also at times like these that one feels the pressure more and is pressed for time, ideas to generate and words to flow smoothly. And to have a complete mental block at such times, only acts as oil to an already intensely burning fire. So, then one finds that one has to wait for the road block to move aside and a path to follow. When pressed for time and ideas, one has to compensate for the wasted unproductive time and work. How does one do that, one may ask. Simply do overtime and some more overtime.

Finishing up the work, polishing it in the morning, adding some more interesting stuff, basically editing and re-editing it again. With such meetings of the deadline at the nth hour, the best somehow falls short of being the best and the good just settles for an average. People say working such hours is not only going to affect your health which in time may lead to something more serious and unavoidable but it might become a habit too.

Few deadlines, just one or two, did the trick for me and I was already in need of some love and care. But no love or care came by way. The only thing besides getting done with the work in hand is another work on its way. To find oneself feeling a sense of deja vu is seriously not the best thing to feel, especially when it is just another beginning.

As long as you are in it, you kind of get a feeling about it. When you are out of it, you realise what a mess you had been in. Perhaps it's my time to realise what a mess it really is. Perhaps! The catch is, 'What if the outside is messier than the inside?' What then? Let's just say, let's keep it real and see what comes next.

Yesterday - Short Story

Some days are memorable for several reasons. Others don’t need any reasons at all. They are stand alone grand in its beginning and magnificent in its ending. Yesterday was one such day. It was like piece-de-resistance drama. Though he just happened to be the lead in the story, it didn’t really matter who played which role, the combined effect of everyone and everything put together created the theatrical extravaganza of a day.

The Morning:

There were just two rooms and four people were already fighting for their own spaces with their own furniture and stuff lying around the house. The late-comings were well overdue and to top it all, he was still taking a stroll in the dream park. A bolt of lightning woke the devil out of him. A sudden realization that the day had already begun, sprang him up to his feet. He bumped into his shoes thrown about carelessly last night, before reaching the bathroom. It was one of the quickest showers he ever had. Perhaps the fastest he ever brushed as well. He did feel nausea for no apparent reason but the time constraint made him neglect it. He went hopping around the rooms, making desperate attempts not to wake up the dozed souls yet getting ready as fast as possible. Five minutes and he was done. Ran out of the house like a thief and walked the roads like in a walkathon. Finally, the famous dilli auto-wallahs were in sight and he knew there was no way he could fight today. So, he relented to the price they wanted him to pay. The line, ‘Jaldi chalna bhaiya’ was followed to the ‘T’ by the auto-wallah. Never mind the man who was almost hit while he was crossing the road and the ‘gaaliyas’ he launched at the auto or the car at the crossing trying to move to the right side, inching ahead every few seconds only to be halted abruptly by the ‘Jaldi..’ auto. Oh yes! He hauled some more expletives, but he didn’t really care as long as he reached on time.


But half-way the uneasiness got the better of him. The nausea took over and erupted in a matter of few minutes. The ‘Jaldi...’ auto-wallah now turned into the ‘Chhi...’ auto-wallah. Somehow, getting some water from the auto-wallah, he cleaned his mouth and after few minutes he had reached his office. Bargaining with one’s health was not such a good idea. He found this out as soon as he stepped into his office. The nausea was making him dizzy. A quick sms to the boss and he was on his way back home again.

The Afternoon:

Thankfully, the journey back was much less ‘eventful’ than the journey to his office. It took few swift turns and a driver more than happy to accelerate to reach home. The only hitch, if it could qualify as one, was the fact that the driver was a bit too loud and overzealous. He got to know the driver had been a driver for the last 5 years. He came to Delhi from Punjab where his family lives. He has an elder brother, married with a child who lives separately in North Delhi while he stays with other auto-drivers in Sangam Vihar, South Delhi. On weekends, more precisely on Sundays he heads north to spend some time with his brother and his 5 year old nephew. He hopes for bigger things for his nephew and for his own children once he gets married. The drive halted at that point of the conversation, one-way conversation. He paid the driver, exchanged smiles and headed up to his home.

A few knocks on the door, a surprised reaction, 4-5 steps to his bed and he was dead. He felt so exhausted by this simple exercise. What made it all worse was the inability to sleep or rest properly. He went in and out of sleep through half the day. A huge cooler was brought in by his brother and friend. An electrician-cum-plumber came in and fixed the kitchen light and the kitchen tap which had been dripping for ages. The electrician-cum-plumber also diagnosed the silence of the door bell as well. It needed a new bell. Thereafter the consciousness started to slip out and all he remembered was flashes of his friend and his brother going in and out of the bathroom.

The Evening:

The phone rang loud. He thought why no one was picking it up when it should have been done so ideally since it was his dream. It went silent and he was relieved that he could manipulate his dreams and remain there undisturbed for some more time. The phone rang again. This time it felt much louder. Few rings later he was up from his sleep and reached for the phone. It was his brother calling him up from office about his sister. She wasn’t at home. He told him. He got up and found the door locked from outside and knew that she had gone out somewhere nearby. Shoes and newspapers and clothes were spread around the house, on the bed and on the floor. He felt a sudden pang of hunger and went through the contents of the fridge. Biscuits, cookies, bread, last night’s leftovers, so much option to choose from. Instead he took few sips of coke and a cookie.

Soon the TV was on. There wasn’t anything interesting coming on any of the channels except for a movie which he had caught the first hour of the night before. While he was watching the Spanish thriller ‘King of the hill’ (El Rey De La Montaña), his sister came back. She had a plan of meeting a friend for dinner. He watched the movie while surfing other channels in between breaks. She soon got ready and left around 7pm. After a while he went to his room and went online trying to find someone or something interesting to while away his time. Outside the rain had begun its play. Completely unaware of the of it, he just surfed through his mails and some interesting websites. One was interestingly titled, ‘Shorts’, not about the wearable shorts but about short films, one of his areas of interest. The site gave details about short film competitions and synopsis of several shorts from around the world. He also stumbled upon some cool blogs.

The Night:

The sound of the rain reached his ears and he got up to check if it really was raining. It had been a dry spell for several weeks now even though the monsoon was supposed to set in way before. When he reached the balcony, the sight just overwhelmed him. The whole street below to as far as he could see was waterlogged. People who were moving about had to wade through almost knee-deep water. There was no way anyone could come to his house without soaking their feet or shoes and pants. He had just recovered from cold and as much as he wanted to he decided not to revel in the rain drops. So, it was back to some more internet surfing and browsing through some other cool sites. After almost an hour of doing so, he relented to his ‘rain-call’ and got up and going. Changed into his shorts and a vest, locked the door and climbed up to the terrace. Standing at the exit door of the terrace he felt the few drops of rain splatter on his face. Soon he was out soaking himself in the rain. But it was too cold and he felt his body shiver, so he decided to get back in and just watch it from the door. He really didn’t want to get sick. As it is he had already fallen sick today.

He dried himself up the first thing he got back into the house. While he was doing so someone knocked on the door. It was Julia, his two-time ex-girlfriend. They had first dated around a year back. Three weeks later they were off each other and were hardly seen or heard talking about the other. No one knew why they broke up. Her friends thought he was too poor in bed. His friends thought she was a man-eater, which of course they secretly liked her for but hated her guts in front of him. This was at his first work place. After six months they met together at a common friend’s engagement party. They re-connected again. She had just broken up with her boyfriend. He had just lost his job. They began seeing each other again pretty soon after that night. Just a week back they had broken up again. Tonight she was here at his doorstep, water dripping off her hair, soaking wet and cold. He got her a towel to wipe herself dry and also offered his sister’s tracks and pullovers to keep her warm. She didn’t say much at all. In fact she had not even spoken once since she came inside. He tensed up a bit feeling her presence near him. They were both lovers of rain and had shared some great moments including their first kiss in the rain. He was seeing her off after office and it had started raining. He tried to persuade her to take shelter but she told him to just keep on walking. They laughed and walked and enjoyed the rain. They had to pass through a narrow lane to get to the bus stand on the other side. It was deserted today because of the rain. He held her hand. She didn’t resist. He came close. His lips touched hers and parted soon, as the sound of the car horn startled them both. They both laughed aloud. The car was now visible. A silver Hyundai Santro was approaching from around the corner. It took a left and passed them by.

She had changed into the dry clothes. He offered her warm tea. She sat down on one of the beds in the sitting room. He had no chairs or tables. The two rooms had two beds each for the four occupants. She took few sips from her cup, then after a long sigh said thanks to him. He just nodded and smiled. She then told him she had come to meet her friends and on her way back wanted to drop in to see how he was doing but the sudden rain forced her to wait for a long time as her auto got stuck in the traffic jam. She got all wet thanks to her auto breaking down just at the end of the road from his house. She had played it safe, but still managed to get drenched in a matter of 40 seconds running to his place. He wanted to ask her what was so urgent or important that it couldn’t wait for another day. But he didn’t. She continued. She talked about the weather, his sister’s visit, her shifting to GK-I from Noida and other random things. In between this he got a call from his sister asking him if he could arrange for a cab to pick her up since due to the rain there was a rush for autos and she was unable to get through the cab agency. He dialed the cab number but there was a long waiting list on the line. He was number 40. So, he hung up. The rain had slowed down a bit by now. He told her that he might have to go and pick up his sister if a cab cannot be arranged soon. She seemed worried. His phone rang again. It was his sister again. He told her that the line was busy. She said the same to him. He then told her to wait there, and he will come pick her up. He apologized to Julia who disregarded it saying she was on her way out herself since it had almost stopped raining. He offered to see her off and without waiting for a reply rushed inside to change. She felt uneasy throughout their walk to the auto stand some three minutes away. They walked silently. He asked the driver if he would go to GK-I and after bargaining for the rate gestured her to get in. She hesitated a bit then sat inside. She thanked him for everything and told him she would soon return the clothes. ‘It’s okay. No hurry. Anytime.’ The driver started the engine. He moved back a little but she held his hand. They looked at each other. He pressed her fingers. They softly smiled. The auto took off. Their hands parted. She waved her hand and smiled wide. He waved his hand and smiled back at her.