MUMBAI - LOSS IN TERROR

‘We are hoping she is still alive. Hope is all we have...’
‘I didn’t think I would survive...’
‘I have lost my son...’


I won’t make a statement on terrorism. I won’t talk about the attack. I won’t write about the politics of it all. I won’t share my views on the global crisis. I won’t deliberate on how it may herald the beginning of a change, if at all. I won’t.

I have not read much and I don’t have much clue about what the word ‘terrorism’ precisely stands for. I don’t know the several meanings it may have. I don’t know much about being attacked. I have never been a witness to it or been in the midst of it. I don’t know how it feels to be there at that very moment. I don’t know much about my country, not even about the state I live in to even have a view on what would affect the millions and millions of people around the globe. I don’t know much about human nature, let alone what brings about a change in the masses, what brings about revolution.

But I do know about loss. I do know about how it feels to lose someone you love. I do know how hard it is to believe and to accept and come to terms with the fact that the person, living, breathing, laughing and smiling has ceased to exist in a matter of few moments.

I do know about fear. I do know what it means to be vulnerable and to hang on to hope even in the most hopeless situations.

I do know about regret. I do know when the heart just longs to and wishes to turn back the time and do things differently; to have stayed back at home or to have left earlier.

I also know about the guilt; the ‘what if’ and ‘if only’. What if I had gone instead of her? If only she hadn’t gone!

I do know about death. I know when it comes accidentally or through a lifelong sickness. But I don’t know and I am unable to comprehend how a human being can kill another. I don’t know how we have become our own death.

Perhaps, I will never know. But do I really want to know, when all that I know is more than enough to constrict my heart and suffocate my soul?

'Thank You For Your Contribution'

Five words that put an end to what my life was and heralded the beginning of a new one. It has been a quite and a smooth shift-over so far. Nothing fancy. Nothing hurried. Like a slow transition. Learning to adapt to this phase of my life. Learning to adapt to myself in this frame of mind and in this state of being. Life has a way of throwing many surprises at you. Most of which are so unexpected. I know surprises are 'always' meant to be unexpected. But there are some which somehow or the other we have a slight idea or clue about how it is going to come to us and finally unfold in front of us. Then there are those which has an immediate and sudden effect on us, like a sharp turn on a road or the corner of a building, not knowing who or what will hit us.

My experiments with my life... that is what I have set out to do and perhaps write about. Is my life any different from any one of you. Perhaps not. Is it special or extraordinary. I dare say not. It is in fact as simple, humble, dull and mundane a life you can ever witness. So, why would you be interested in knowing or even reading about it. I never said you'd be. But if you are still reading then doesn't my life count for something to you already?

Our lives are not ours. It never is and never has been. Then why even stake a claim to own it. Our lives are intercepted, intersected and interconnected with thousands and thousands of lives that are running parallel in this universe. Each life gives some part of its existence to another it encounters, deliberately or unknowingly. Each man lives a thousand life in his lifetime.

Which way will I turn to? Which road will I travel? Which path will I choose? Nothing decided. Nothing certain. It takes only a single morning, evening or night to know where my life will take me. And when I know, I won't wait. I will just start and go...