DILLI DARSHAN

I have been living in Delhi for few years now... but never really took the time or had the time to visit the usual famous places in and around the city. So, it was decided I was going to do so. Joining me on this 'trail of discovery' was my friend, Sunny, who's almost like a family to me and his sister Tannu. We got up early morning and after arguing and discussing about where to go and whether to go or not right there at a bus stop we finally took an auto to Connaught Place. There we got ourselves tickets from a Delhi Transport Corporation bus services. When we saw the bus, we were quite disappointed. Sunny's plan to travel in the new DTC green bus went up in smoke!! Or should I say fog?

We visited many places. From the ones we'd pass by almost everyday to the ones we had never seen before. The pic below was taken at Humayun's Tomb, my first visit there. Before Sunny has a chance to complain, let me give the credit where it's due. This photo was taken by him. Sunsets and sunrise seems like a rare sight. I sometimes don't even notice the clouds!

I find the Baha'i Temple a real calming place. One can meditate inside the dome in complete silence and hear our inner voices, talking to us, guiding us sometimes... sometimes showing us what we already knew but forgot... sometimes just clearing up our thoughts. If you need a place to introspect or to just be with yourself, then take some time off and visit the place. You won't regret it.

Baha'i Temple or Lotus Temple

And below climbing up the stairs of the Humayun's Tomb

A view of the Lakshmi Narayan Temple or

the Birla Temple taken from inside the bus

This was a first too. What I liked about the temple was the inspirational, mythological and spiritual inscriptions and pictorial depictions on its walls. After coming out of the temple, as we were really, really tired and hungry, we had some fruit juices. Only to realise after ordering that the place was unhygienic and the glass were dirty too!! Tannu raised a toast to our good health as we hesitantly gulped down our mosambi juices!

Sunny waiting for the token for our shoes as we

visited Rajgath, Gandhiji's cremation ground

There are around 12 cremation sites across yamuna banks apart from Gandhi's including that of Indira Gandhi, her father Jawaharlal Nehru and her grandsons, Rajiv and Sanjay Gandhi.

The flame is kept burning at all times

I had heard and seen the place on television many times but this was my first time here. I guess the problem with visiting tourist spots is that there are way too many people and one doesn't get the kind of time one would have otherwise wanted to spend. We waited to click a group photo. When the spot was free and told the guard to click the pic, turned out it was his first time, so after posing for quite sometime the pic below was clicked.

I think I'm going reverse here. The Red Fort was actually the first place we visited. When we had gone there, renovation work was going on at some places. I guess nothing really stands the test of time in its original form. But I feel more needs to be done to restore the damages sustained by most of the heritage buildings in the city.

Tying to give a historical pose or

is the pose already a history?

From up above to the 'garden' below

The Red Fort from outside


Meena Bazaar, inside the fort

We concluded our tour with a visit to the magnificient Akshardham temple. But couldn't take any pics since mobile phones and cameras are strictly not allowed inside. The security at the temple impressed me. Although after we witnessed the breathtaking sight and sound of the musical fountain, I couldn't help complaining about not being able to capture it. I guess I did capture it, but in my mind. Can't wait to go again. The musical fountain takes place daily at 6pm for 15 minutes.

On our tour we had passed through several important and some insignificant places. Of course depending on what is of importance to you. We passed through the Indira Gandhi Stadium, which was decked up for the 2010 Commonwealth Games; World Health Organisation building, Old Fort or Purana Qila where Humayun died; National Science Centre; Pragati Maidan; National Gallery of Modern Art; India Gate; Indian Parliament, world's largest circular building; Nehru Park among others.

Even after the dilli darshan I am not sure if I know the city all too well. There's something about the city that embraces you yet alienates you at the same time. Perhaps delhi still harbours its mystical nature!

MUMBAI - LOSS IN TERROR

‘We are hoping she is still alive. Hope is all we have...’
‘I didn’t think I would survive...’
‘I have lost my son...’


I won’t make a statement on terrorism. I won’t talk about the attack. I won’t write about the politics of it all. I won’t share my views on the global crisis. I won’t deliberate on how it may herald the beginning of a change, if at all. I won’t.

I have not read much and I don’t have much clue about what the word ‘terrorism’ precisely stands for. I don’t know the several meanings it may have. I don’t know much about being attacked. I have never been a witness to it or been in the midst of it. I don’t know how it feels to be there at that very moment. I don’t know much about my country, not even about the state I live in to even have a view on what would affect the millions and millions of people around the globe. I don’t know much about human nature, let alone what brings about a change in the masses, what brings about revolution.

But I do know about loss. I do know about how it feels to lose someone you love. I do know how hard it is to believe and to accept and come to terms with the fact that the person, living, breathing, laughing and smiling has ceased to exist in a matter of few moments.

I do know about fear. I do know what it means to be vulnerable and to hang on to hope even in the most hopeless situations.

I do know about regret. I do know when the heart just longs to and wishes to turn back the time and do things differently; to have stayed back at home or to have left earlier.

I also know about the guilt; the ‘what if’ and ‘if only’. What if I had gone instead of her? If only she hadn’t gone!

I do know about death. I know when it comes accidentally or through a lifelong sickness. But I don’t know and I am unable to comprehend how a human being can kill another. I don’t know how we have become our own death.

Perhaps, I will never know. But do I really want to know, when all that I know is more than enough to constrict my heart and suffocate my soul?

"You'll Always Be My Student..."

That was what my teacher wrote to me on Children's Day. I pray I always remain a student, always learning from the greatest teacher of all - Life.

When I read the sms, I backtracked to my childhood to the days of being just another student, just another teenager learning to grow up, my school and college days, time spent with my friends and family. Everything just went by in a flash. Since then I have been feeling a bit nostalgic. By the end of the day, I can’t help but sigh all the time reminiscing about my past; more so because today is one of my dearest friends’ birthday as well. I was just writing a letter to him and missed him and the good ol’ days.

It is perhaps a perfect timing in a way. It is amusing too that these memories come to me now when I am at a turning point of my life. I say a ‘turning point’ not to specify any bigger turn of events or greater opportunity or any of those sorts. It is simply meant to imply a change of track from what I had been doing or a new phase in my life.

As I remember those days of insecurities and harmless joys, I feel the same emotions even now. I feel the sense of uncertainty over what my life will reveal to me in the coming days and whether I will be able to overcome whatever challenges it throws at me. It is the same period of excitement and anxiousness for the future ahead of us that I lived through during and after my graduation. Not knowing whether whatever I had learned would prove useful at all in securing me a stable and financially independent life, was not the least pleasing. It is the same even today. I still doubt even after gaining some experience in my field if all that I have learned will hold me well in my future endeavours. The more one learns and experiences in life, the more one becomes uncertain of it.

Knowledge is rewarding only to an extent, beyond which it leads to another quest, another search to clear the doubts that it has managed to engender along with the wisdom it generated. Life after all is but a continuous journey of trying to clear all the doubts we have and ultimately only those lead a happy life who manages to live with those very doubts!

I wish I always remain a student in life. Perhaps we always are, in a way, with life teaching us its own lessons. And maybe, just maybe, it laughs at us from time to time for taking it too seriously sometimes!

A FRIENDLY SMOKE

I went inside the room. I looked around – the bed was neatly made, books and magazines well-placed on the shelf which also had room for other stuff like DVDs and stationery, floor had just been mobbed and was still a little wet. I realised my arrival on short notice had my friend running around the room, tidying up things and mopping the floor.

“See, I clean my house,” she announced very proudly. “I don’t need you around to do it.”

I just smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. There was a pack of cigarettes on her bed. I opened the pack. She had already smoked 4 out of the 20 cigarettes in the pack. I instinctively took one out, got up and started looking for a matchbox. I found one on the table and went out to the small balcony and lit my cigarette.

I don’t smoke. I don’t like smoking. I have only smoked once or twice in my life just as an experiment. The first time to figure out what the fuss was all about. When I didn’t find anything to fuss about it I didn’t smoke another one. The second time was at a later stage in life when I wanted to find out how long it takes to smoke a cigarette if one was puffing it continuously and if one was having a conversation in between.

“Going out and smoking, huh? Whom are you trying to check out?” That was her reaction apart from a little surprised look when I had taken the cigarette out in the first place.

I knew she was thinking why this guy was smoking, when she knew that I don’t really smoke. But she knew I was matured enough to make my own decisions and understand the consequences of my action. She gave me that much credibility as a person and that much of a space as a friend.

I didn't smoke another one. In fact, I could not even finish the first one. She finished the remaining half. What I am trying to say is that most of the times we tend to be too judgemental and too opinionated about people and things. We tend to blur the line between giving a sound advice and encroaching upon others’ personal space. Every relation has its own limits and boundaries; and it differs between each individual relation. But within each relation there must exist a line beyond which if anything is said or done it becomes an act of disrespect towards the individual. It no longer is civil or tolerable but rather an intrusion.

A good friend is one who knows when to play silence and when it is time to play the music.

A good friend is one who knows when to fill that silence and when to hear that music.

And there is no lesson better than the ones learnt by ourselves through our own actions and our own experiences. If it is a bad one then well, it tends to leave a bitter aftertaste. So was the same with me. The cigarette left a bitter taste in my mouth and I was making such faces that my friend had to laugh before she asked me, ‘Enjoyed it, huh?’

Will I smoke another cigarette? Thank you but I will pass.

"THE WORLD'S A RIDE!"

I just saw the documentary ‘Zeitgeist’ and it blew my mind away. To know that there is so much one doesn’t know. And yes, I will use the classic phrase and say that, ignorance is bliss, did apply in this case as well. It was fine and it was good till I saw and heard all that was shown and told. To realise that most of what we call the world is really a farce and how we are unaware of our own actions contributing in maintaining the show. To realise that most of what we do and how we react is but a well-thought of, well-executed and well-hidden methodology we blindly follow. We are made to believe we are in power, when all along we were the ones being controlled and played around with.

There’s so much to the world than the new releases in the theatres, the new car out in the market, the new restaurant recently launched or the new channel that’s coming up. So much more and yet we see so less. So less of what really is and gaze upon those that adds no value to our existence.

But it is not easy to stop at a point somewhere, looking at the things around us, realising the foolishness of it all and starting out a new course with an eye for detail. To appreciate and respect the very basic of human emotions. To respect life and spread humility. To understand that there has to be more to our living than the mere every day routines. Even if it is to live a routine life, to know that we can always make a difference with simple gestures and kind words, to those who need them.

Behind the veil. Beneath the surface. Beyond what meets the eye. We know we are all the same. We are united by virtue of being Human. Differences crop up only when we start learning the ways of the world. From the very first step, the very first sight… we get caught up in a series of words and actions that depict and glorifies every little thing which makes us different from the rest. Barriers are galore. Stopping us from thinking and considering even for a while, that We are all the same. We are all human.

If somehow we can invest more in being humane, we will perhaps find peace reigning supreme and we will find that there is no need for conflict. There is no need for war.

In Bill Hicks’ words:

“The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they've begun to question, 'Is this real, or is this just a ride?', and other people have remembered, and they've come back to us and they say 'Hey, don't worry. Don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.' and we KILL THOSE PEOPLE.

‘Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.’

It's just a ride.

But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that. You ever noticed that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because ... It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear wants you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world right now, to a better ride:
Take all that money we spent on weapons and defense each year and instead spend it feeding, clothing, and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and WE CAN EXPLORE SPACE, TOGETHER, BOTH INNER AND OUTER, forever ... in peace.”

Bon Voyage, My Friend!!

Being kind and generous. Being humble and grateful. Some of the simplest of things are the hardest to do. But the reward is enormous. The irony is, however, those who walk this path, long for no reward or recognition of their effort. The effort itself is a reward and the outcome its recognition.

Our daily lives are complicated. There's just too many struggle, too many disappointments and heartaches on the way. It is a great effort just to sustain a very simple and happy life. Finding happiness is not easy. Finding happiness in simple things all the more difficult. The method of our search for happiness. The means of achieving it. The ways of nurturing it. They all differ from one individual to the other. One thing is common, they all demand a lot of discipline and humility in us. Most are not able to do so. Not because we don't want happiness. But because we long for instant happiness. Something fast. Something quick. And what is achieved ever so swiftly must end as fast as it began.

It is not hard to do the simplest of things. What is hard, really is to do it persistently. To keep going at it no matter what obstacles may come our way. To know and to believe that it is the only way to live. We tend to, most of the times, keep something handy to fall back upon so that we have a way out if we are unable to follow the path we have chosen. But the very fact that we keep a back-up shows our lack of conviction in what we are doing. If we knew and we believe 'this' is the only way we know how to live, we will no matter what, live 'that' way. Survival is an instinct that has no match in any of the human emotions. So, we will live. We will survive.

Who doesn't have doubts? Who doesn't have fears? We all do. That's the very reason why we believe. If there were no doubts or fear in us, why would we even make an effort to embark on a journey. It is because the journey entails many uncertainties and hardships, that we believe in overcoming them all to finally reach our destination.

There is no end to a journey. The journey continues, like it always has been since ages. Only we stop to rest. As long as we travel, we will always know where to go. And as long as we are humble and kind, generous and grateful, the journey will only enrich us more.

Bon Voyage, My Friend!!

TO LOVE... TO BE FREE...

"Flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and clouds on the horizon..."*

Have I ever been so in love and been true in love? Have all the women I loved been loved so? Was I true to them all? Were they true to me as well? As I sit down and think about how and whom I have loved in this life, I cannot help but wonder.

If I never loved so, were my love not love at all? Were they mere imitations or shadows of what true love really is? If they were then did I cheat on the one I loved by not loving her true? Or was it really true love, since the knowledge of true love was not known to me and I loved the only way I knew how to love then? For even though, it did not work out after a while, at least it was good till it lasted. It was true to me then.

Love takes care of us, lead us and teach us as we discover it through the eyes of our beloved... through their touch... their smell... their voices... We may become experts in the ways of love, its many methods. But we can never be an expert in love. Love still makes us nervous, fills us with doubt, makes us laugh and cry. For we can never conquer love. It is love that conquers us.

Did all my love so far ended because I tried to possess them? To make it last a little longer than it was meant to be? Looking back now, it seems so vague and misty. It was so clear back then. We are sure of things as long as we are in the things. After we are out of them, we no longer seem to know if at all we were sure of them in the first place.

There were times when I loved and let it go, too soon. Had I held on to it for some more time, it would have been another story to tell today. There were times too when I just touched and teased the surface, but never felt the depth of love. Never took the plunge. Just flirted with the water standing on the shore. I would have known some other feeling today had I taken the plunge.

"...you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you.... I will always remember now that love is liberty..."*

If it sets you free, then know that it is love. Have I ever felt that freedom, that liberty? I am still doubting. I am still questioning. I am still afraid of how love may greet me someday. I am still learning to know how it feels to be in love. I am still hopeful.

Will I still me doubting, once I am face-to-face with what would set me free? I have lost love. Maybe that is why I am still filled with doubt. How would it be to love so true and yet not try to possess it? Not try to make it last or stay longer.

I now know, I have never loved truly before. For I have never felt free. And do I long to be free!

I can feel something coming. And like any other times, I am still being hopeful, it will set me free.


(*Excerpts from Paulo Coelho's 'Brida'. To know more about him, you can visit his official website, http://paulocoelho.com

ONE MORE? YA, SURE!!!

When your friends are in a generous mood it is always better to make the most of their generosity 'cause you never know when their mood might just start swinging!!

The first one was refreshing. Refreshing with a capital 'R'. Change always changes something or the other in you. It may lead you or put an end to something good or something bad. It may stir something in you. Fear. Doubt. Pleasure. Joy. Disgust. Anything. Any feeling in you. But that first one was refreshing for me. It felt good. It went down well with me. The first day of celebration, celebration of an end and a beginning. Good or bad. No idea. But it sure did feel refreshing.

The second one tasted sweet. Maybe the 'dew' overflowed a little. Maybe the sweet talk got to me. People say I am 'sweet'. How does it feel to be perceived as a sweet person? But first tell me, what makes a person sweet? Is it if one is easy with one's opinions and don't say or dare say what is exactly on his mind 'cause it would create some kind of a conflict? Is that how I see myself? To some extend yes. I do avoid conflict. It isn't easy really 'all-that-great' to see a fight erupt over something as trivial as 'Who put the papers on top of my table?' or something similar. It's just wastage of one's energy and precious time to argue over something like that. Then what is it that makes me sweet. Perhaps because it concerns me when I see somebody upset or when I see that someone is not really their own self. And if with few words or little gestures I can make someone else happy and in doing so if I become 'sweet' in their eyes than so be it. I mean, isn't the purpose of life to be 'happy'. No matter what you do or where you go to, the basic human need is just to be happy and feel joy within. We set goals and strive to achieve them only because we know that we would be happy when we have done that. The challenges of life may be many and varied but their treasure is just the same. Happiness is all we want, in the end.

The third one, didn't know where it went. It was the fourth that felt like a snap on my head. The drink was now working its, what shall I say, 'Magic!' It becomes essential sometimes to let life take its own course and let its many charms be revealed to you. It becomes essential, almost a necessity to let go... surrender sometimes. Let the universe guide you, hold you and take you to wherever it is that you need to be. Being in control and in power is a good feeling, no doubt. But there are times when it feels a lot better when you just surrender to the moment. After all control is only an illusion we have invented to have a sense of power over things we can't understand.

The fifth left a bitter after-taste. The sixth stood silent, unstirred and unshaken for a very long while. It isn't easy to do certain things again, after one has experienced displeasure doing it the last time. Doesn't matter if you have done it several times before. It's always the most recent one that matters, 'cause its memory is still very much fresh and alive in you. Almost as if it happened just a while ago. We hesitate sometimes. Become skeptical of certain things or events or people in our lives. It is natural. That doesn't mean we stop trying. But it also doesn't mean we rush into it without much care. Otherwise mistakes and misadventures would just be the same as any other experiences. They have to teach us and we need to learn from them. That's how we grow. Taking chances always, but with greater knowledge of what could fail.

I do not remember the seventh. I do not remember the eight. Was eight my last? Or are seventh and eight the same? Well, anyways. But I do remember the last. And it went all right in, in just a matter of seconds! There are times when we have to hurry things up. Be quick. Think fast. Act swift. No time to ponder or wonder how it would be. Just few fractions of a second to do so and do it right. And to stick to your judgement... your decision. If it works out. Fine. If it does not. Then well, you learn from it and do better the next time. Then there are times when hurrying things only ruins everything that we had done up till that very moment.

Then there are also times when all these talks make no sense and are of no use at all. In times like this, intelligent or philosophical, healing or spiritual, no conversation matters. Because you are so tired and exhausted that you simply want to fall down on your bed and die. And everything becomes... zzzzzzzzzzzzz

'Thank You For Your Contribution'

Five words that put an end to what my life was and heralded the beginning of a new one. It has been a quite and a smooth shift-over so far. Nothing fancy. Nothing hurried. Like a slow transition. Learning to adapt to this phase of my life. Learning to adapt to myself in this frame of mind and in this state of being. Life has a way of throwing many surprises at you. Most of which are so unexpected. I know surprises are 'always' meant to be unexpected. But there are some which somehow or the other we have a slight idea or clue about how it is going to come to us and finally unfold in front of us. Then there are those which has an immediate and sudden effect on us, like a sharp turn on a road or the corner of a building, not knowing who or what will hit us.

My experiments with my life... that is what I have set out to do and perhaps write about. Is my life any different from any one of you. Perhaps not. Is it special or extraordinary. I dare say not. It is in fact as simple, humble, dull and mundane a life you can ever witness. So, why would you be interested in knowing or even reading about it. I never said you'd be. But if you are still reading then doesn't my life count for something to you already?

Our lives are not ours. It never is and never has been. Then why even stake a claim to own it. Our lives are intercepted, intersected and interconnected with thousands and thousands of lives that are running parallel in this universe. Each life gives some part of its existence to another it encounters, deliberately or unknowingly. Each man lives a thousand life in his lifetime.

Which way will I turn to? Which road will I travel? Which path will I choose? Nothing decided. Nothing certain. It takes only a single morning, evening or night to know where my life will take me. And when I know, I won't wait. I will just start and go...