Dear Shah Rukh,
Every year on my birthday, I take a moment or few to look back at my life and count my blessings whether it's in the few things that I have been able to accomplish or in the form of family and friends who have made my life worth living. Every year on your birthday, I pray and hope that you are blessed with your loved ones and coming true of all your little and big dreams and thank you for all that you have done for me, without even realising it.
When people ask me why I like you so much and what is it about you and your films that make me love you, I'm at a loss of words. I have to admit I have not been one of your biggest fans, who would watch your films first day first show or buy all the magazines with your interviews in it or watch every single program featuring you as a guest or talking about you or fill my room with your posters and newspaper cuttings or be able to give every detail about your life starting from where you were born to how you reached where you are today. Yet, I still feel I am your biggest fan.
Even though my life hasn't been all that eventful, it has had some crucial turning points, bringing about some welcoming and some not-so-welcoming changes. And in those times, somehow or the other, you have played an important role in guiding me or making me see things in a different way. I don't remember all your lines in every film of yours, but I do keep in mind your views and thoughts in your interviews. It has helped me to cope with my own life's changes, however different the circumstances may have been.
I am not sure if one can measure how much the absence or the presence of a person in one's life can change the course of his life. Losing a loved one is not easy, this I am sure of. I cannot say if I have learned to cope with my mother's death, perhaps we hardly can no matter how much life moves ahead. Your words have somehow, I won't say reduced the pain but cushioned it to a great extend. Your words about how your mom is now seating on God's head and making sure nothing goes wrong for you. I was looking for some comfort and I found it in those words. Death is more about what is left behind than what is gone. Dealing with the life after, and believing there was life ahead was difficult. I have done okay, I guess. Even though nothing can fill the emptiness that overwhelms me, sometimes out of the blue and sometimes slowly taking over me.
I know how important it is to have dreams in one's life. To work towards making them come true. But I also know that seeing the coming true of our loved one's dreams can be equally if not more satisfying. I admire you for having achieved some of your dreams, working not against but together with all the odds in your life. I'm still lacking in determination and resolution in this department. If I find myself still holding on to them, is because I know it is worth it. I have never really dwelt much on success or failure. I believe the definition varies with each individual. A success or a failure in one's eyes is what really matters in the end.
By being your fan I have gifted myself the gift of immortality, to some extend. When I met my relatives from my village, after a long time, they told me that they missed me a lot when they saw your movie. That's when it struck me that you and your films will always remain even after you or me. All those who know me, whether my immediate family or other or friends and acquaintances, will remember me and miss me when they see your films or anything related to you. But a reminder may not always be a good thing. One ends up missing the other person so much more. I guess there's hardly anything that's perfect, least when it comes to emotions.
There's so much to achieve and so much more to do. I wish you all the luck or like my friend says, 'will' you all the luck in whatever you do. May happiness be with you and around you, wherever you go. God bless you.
Wishing you a very Happy Birthday!
With deepest gratitude and love,
Just Another Fan
