WHY DID HIS HEART FEEL SO BAD?

The night grew longer in a slow progression of deep, unknown, inescapable sadness. He had no clue why he felt that way. The morning, the afternoon and most part of the evening was pretty bright and sunny to speak of. He felt so ill-equipped to deal with the sudden rush of emotions in him. Why so instantaneously he felt so depressed and so sad, he had no idea. But at that very moment all he could do was just sit still and let the emotion take complete control. Neither had he contemplated the spell of depression to come visit him without any warning at all, nor was he prepared for tears that filled his eyes. He sat there long and motionless except for the tears rolling down from his cheeks.

Trying to reason what was happening to him, he dug deep within his heart and mind, hoping to find something or the other that might have triggered his outburst. There was nothing that happened during the day that could have caused it. In fact life was going smoothly for the past few months for him. It would be utterly inappropriate for someone with such a smooth running life to cry like a baby out of nowhere. He laid out the cards in front of him. Family - it wasn't the best but it was not so bad either. He had his problems and so did the rest of the family but there wasn't anything extraordinarily depressing about it. Friends - he had always been lucky when it came to friends, there was no reason at all to complain. Job - he had pretty much changed the course recently and was happy to be following his heart and trying out something new. It was a new experience and he was coping with the change quite well. 'What then?' he kept on thinking hard.

Everything said and done, he did not feel the worth of his life at all. It was as worthless as anything could be. There was nothing that could make him say there was something valuable when it came to his life. He could not find anything at all. Maybe it was this feeling that made him lose control somehow. It must have been the slow progression of feeling worthless about everything about himself through the years that caused the sadness and the tears. 'It surely must have been,' he thought.

The moment he thought he had the answer, he was back to reality, lying in sweat on his bed. It was still dark outside. The dawn was still to break. He slowly got up from his bed and walked to the living room, opened the refrigerator and drank some water from the bottle. Then he walked out into the balcony and spreading his hands on the railings, just stood looking at the wide expanse of concrete in front of his eyes. After a while, the first lights slowly began to show itself from behind the buildings to his far left. The sun rose in sometime. It was his first sunrise in months.

Staring at the sun, he smiled. He then closed his eyes, took a long deep breathe and stepped inside. He knew then and there that his life was headed for some major changes. Even though he was still unsure about a lot of things, there was a burst of positive energy within him.