THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. ONE OF THEM JUST HAPPENS TO BE MY SISTER!

There are good people in this world. They are not hard to find. They are simply not good at being found. They do not hog the limelight. They simply get on with their lives and carry on as they have always done. They are the least bothered about who are talking about them or not talking about them. But mind you, they are not unaware. In fact they are among the most aware of people you will ever come across in your life. Their awareness however, is not confined to the latest trends or gossips; rather they are oblivious to such ‘news’. Their awareness comes from knowing the people around them, the little things that can be done to spread a smile or ease some pain, believing that lending a helping hand is not a decision to make but an action to take, sharing lessons from their experiences to comfort and guide others is second nature to them.

Yes, there are good people in this world. One of them just happens to be my sister. She recently visited us in Delhi, to be able to celebrate her birthday and also Diwali with us. For most part she is like any other sister in the world; caring and protective, pampering and guiding and we also argue and debate, get upset and hurt. What sets her apart is the innate goodness in her, or maybe she imbibed it from mom; absorbing every little drop like the earth while we are more like rocks or sand. 

(My sister's birthday celebration: she turned... not saying! haha!)

She cares and it is not limited to her family or friends; she just simply cares. While most of us are restrictive or limiting in the way we deal with people around us, there are no borders when it comes to her caring. We have heard anecdotes of her experiences with strangers in her day-to-day life, and while we are always on guard, doubtful of people’s intentions, she somehow finds this invisible thread of humane connectivity with those she meets and it worries us (being overbearing and overprotective brothers that we are!) yet we are left wondering at her and secretly aspire to have such capabilities.

On one of her flights, she began conversing with her fellow passengers, among them a young man in particular. I had wondered about the update of her new friendship on Facebook and later realised it was the same guy. He told her about his visit and his girlfriend and how her birthday was coming up. He was at a loss and had no idea what to do or what to buy. Sister was in her element and told him to surprise her – take a day off, buy a gift and plan a surprise. He admitted to being no good at such things and I think she told him to buy flowers and chocolates if he cannot think of what she likes for a gift. He later introduced his girlfriend to her (over the phone or on FB) who thanked her for making her birthday special. Since then they have been in touch with each other. His then girlfriend has become his wife and they have recently welcomed a new member to their family.

She can talk! If you come across anyone who has met her, they can vouch for her ability to talk. It may tread on some bizarrely funny ideas, concepts or idle imaginations, or may throw down a guiding light on someone or something lost in their darkness, or may lift up spirits and cheer up sad hearts and souls, or bridge the gaps of awkward silences we have a habit of leaving in between conversations. Whatever shape or form, one thing stands out: it is never pretentious. This must be the reason why she can connect with so many different people.

During the last years of her stay in Singapore, we had gone to visit her. She was staying as a paying guest and the house owners were a family of three – husband, wife and their young daughter. It was at this time that the wife’s mother came to visit them from Chennai. Granny did not speak a single word of Hindi or English. Over the next few days, an unlikely friendship developed between her and my sister. We would often wonder and even comment on how they managed to communicate with each other. Imagine our surprise when they went out shopping. It was a sight to see them cooking a meal together in the kitchen, each speaking a different language, heavily gesticulating, smiling and laughing. A year later, she invited my sister for a family wedding in Chennai. Sister accepted as it would mean revisiting the erstwhile Madras city where she was born. She is still in touch with the family much like the way she has kept in touch with the people in her life, even her old primary school friends.

As we geared up for her arrival, on the eve of her flight landing here, brother and I were discussing about her trouble with excess baggage. It is a sight of wonder if you ever find her travelling light! Surely, the next day as my brother waited for her at the gate, he saw her barely managing to push a cart loaded with luggage. How much have you brought? My brother remarked. She said, “Arrey! This is not mine. This is uncle’s and auntie’s luggage.” It came as no surprise that she had made an uncle and an aunt of the old couple she met on her flight. They were struggling with their luggage and she helped them. They even offered her and my brother a drop back home. But my brother had already booked a cab.

Like anyone else, she has her dreams. Her dreams are never materialistic; if they are it is because someone else associates closely with those ‘materials’. Like any dream, the path to its fruition comes with its own troubles and hindrances. She has encountered several on her way. What helps her is of her own making too; her steely determination and unwavering perseverance.  It is because of this that she has achieved what she has today. Unlike her, most of us lack the sheer passion and drive, walking sluggishly towards our dreams; some of us have already given up on our long held dreams. Life and its many diversions muddle our vision and weaken our resolutions.

Dreams never cease to be born. As we grow and evolve, they take shape in the new us and new dreams are born. She is now following her new dream and like any other time, it has brought some obstacles and problems along with it. There are always moments of doubt and clarity we experience in everything we do. She has gone through some really low phase and some remarkable high points. She is continuing her journey and we are fully supporting her. She believes in hard work but she is practical too. It has worked out well all these years and it will do her good in future as well.

And as I sit alone in a crowd of my office colleagues, I realize that I have learned so much from her. If I am still carrying on with my writing, even if not as diligently as I would have liked to, it is because by just observing the way she lives I get an unknown yet familiar strength within me to keep on persisting and walking towards my dream. That is the sign of good people. They are those who inspire others around them, just by living.

Love you sis. Always be you. Always be inspiring.

Thank You

(Image courtesy: good-wallpapers)

It was 'Thank You Day' on Friday last week. I didn't know it. Not even when my boss held out a bag full of Eclairs and simply said, 'Thank you' to me. I asked 'Why?' and she repeated 'Thank you' again. So, I took one Eclairs and said 'You are most welcome'. It was only when we were told to head upstairs for the celebration did I realise what day it was.

On the way back home, it made me think. Who would I be thankful to? The more I thought, the more names and faces cropped up in my mind. There's so much to thank for and so many people to be thankful to in life. Our lives can never really be our own in its entirety. We owe a lot to many people right from the moment we were conceived in our mothers' wombs till the time we breathe our last. Perhaps beyond too.

One single life is never really a journey taken alone. There are too many people who shaped our way, created milestones for us, laid down the foundation of the roads we now travel upon. There are those strangers too who stood on the sides helping us replenish our energies by handing out drinks and food, and whom we may not even remember by faces forget about by names. But they made a difference somehow in our journey.

Several names appeared in my mind. My school teacher who made me realise that I mattered, I was somebody too, and encouraged me to voice my opinions and share my thoughts. My best friend in school who always stood by me and stood for me, even when he risked making enemies with few other classmates. He showed me what it means to be a friend. I am still learning to be one. My first love who showed me what it meant to be there for your love and how I failed miserably in doing so. I have always lived up to that lesson ever since. My best friend in college who knew me all too well and told me some harsh truths about me no one else could have or cared enough to tell me.

Over the past decade or so, I have truly come to know what a remarkable person my mother was and how much of her I see in all three of us. She was a person who lived in subtleties and expressed the most in silence. When I recall some of the innumerable moments I have shared with her, I see another side of her I never saw before. Maybe I was too young to understand then. I am thankful to have had those moments and to be able to relive them again. I see so much of her in my sister too, even though they are very different persons. I have lived most of my early years with my sister so we have a different kind of bonding than the one I have with my brother. And in the recent past I have grown to admire, respect and love her so much more. I am grateful to have her in my life. Although I can be a pain sometimes like most other brothers tend to be!

My life in Delhi brought few good friends and few mentors who took me under their arms ready to guide me in my professional life. I will always be indebted to my first boss for his trust and confidence in me. It will take me a few more years and a couple of other jobs to realise just how instrumental he had been in shaping my career. One of my colleagues played a vital role in my actual media world education. I have followed few of his rules and broken quite a few more! And as I find myself in a new job, I am grateful for all the past experiences and to my past mentors. I am thankful too for the opportunity that I have received at a time when the odds were against me. I know fully well the responsibility which entails this trust and I remind myself everyday of the work ahead of me.

I have been fortunate to have a family who supports me and loves me no matter what and who makes me feel I belong. I have been fortunate to find friends who somehow understands me better than I do and are not afraid to show me the mirror when I falter. I have been fortunate to have had teachers and mentors who nurtured and moulded me to better prepare for the world ahead of me. I have been fortunate to have had the chances which came my way despite the innumerable mistakes I have made. I have been fortunate and that's why I am grateful.

Our lives are never our own for so many people have had a hand in making it what it is. No one ever really makes it on his own. And as I laid down in my bed that night I offered a silent 'Thank you' before going to sleep.

When I Met An Old Friend

To meet an old friend is always a pleasure, especially when you have gone through a lot in life with the same person. They have seen you in your good times and your worst as well. They have been there for you and you have been there for them. So, a meeting with such a friend is always a heartening experience to say the least.

Today I met with a dear friend who has been through a lot in life much as I have been in mine and have seen each other in our worse of times. Today too is no better a time in our lives. I have my own set of problems and he has his. And we are at an age where most of our counterparts have already found their footings and are excelling at whatever they are doing. Our trials have been tough. Our success minimal. At the end too much time invested with too little outcome/success to account for while time keeps a tab of the passing years on our faces and greying hair on our scalps.

The sense of responsibility never leaves our minds. And this is one reason why there has not been much of a risk taken by him on his part. He had trodden carefully and calculatingly. Somehow in his own words, the ‘bad luck’ phase of his life still seems to be continuing. For most part, things look promising and all efforts are in place from his side but some other things which are completely out of his control puts an end to his dreams.

Even though I too feel the sense of responsibility I have taken decisions more freely and taken a lot of risks being the ‘child’ in the family. A doting elder brother and an always supportive elder sister eased my risky ways. The problem now is the fact that I have not been able to turn the career risks I have taken into anything worthwhile. I am still in this phase but what gives, even if a little solace is that I have been doing some of the things I greatly enjoyed doing. The thing is I could have done them without playing the ‘Brave-heart’ ( or fool-heart??!).

There are thoughts and ideas running in both our heads. We can talk about how to do those things. We can talk about how it can be executed and what all formalities or procedure we need to follow. The problem, however is if at all it will work out and will we be able to take any more chances now? I can see him achieving what he dreams of. He has always been a hard-working guy with his head placed firmly on his shoulders. He just needs the right time and there will be no stopping him. I am, like always, doubtful of myself and my big ideas. Let’s see how things go for both of us.

Lessons From My Sister's Flower Garden

I am sharing a post from my new blog about learning lessons from my sister's simple wish from me that I paint her a flower garden. This simple complicated task taught me few things I should have ideally remembered all along. The blog is written like a conversation with my mother, so 'you' in the post is referred to her.

..................................

I re-discovered the essence of always trying and not giving up no matter how impossible or how unbearable or how different things turn out in the process. I figured that if you still have even a small fraction of your vision with which you set out to do what you are in the process of doing, it will turn out just like you thought and sometimes even better once you keep moving ahead with it. Perhaps I had to learn this in the simplest of tasks I did recently.

Remember mom when I told you about the painting that sister wanted me to draw for her - a garden full of flowers. Well, I attempted it, formed the base, painted some flowery shapes. It looked very promising in the beginning and I was already happy with myself for at least setting out to do it rather than giving up before even trying, which I had been doing for some days already. Once I began to put in the details of the garden, I found myself hating the very sight of it. It did not look real or even close to a fake garden! I detested the very sight of it. I did not wish to go on. But I did. I don't know why but I kept on adding and trying out things. I did take few moments to just look at it and wish I had not done some things, not added certain colour or tried certain shapes. Yet I continued, experimenting and trying out things to make the shapes look like flowers. Once the flowers seemed real enough, the base started looking unrealistic. The flowers seemed to be plainly pasted. Still I continued; added some colours and tried different brush strokes.

As I was beginning to see the end of how it would finally look, I was as happy as I could be. I saw that my vision was coming true. And in fact no flowers looked as good as these in a garden that once was my hateful obsession. It was then that I realised, that when we set out to achieve our dreams we are very hopeful in the beginning but with time we begin to see no point in it and start detesting our own dreams when we look at the unfinished picture. We have dreams but we fail to see that our dreams from the time they are born undergo a metamorphosis going through stages of development which may not appeal to us, even frighten us at some point in time. It should not stop us from continuing on our walk towards achieving them. The believe in our vision should always be there. And we must keep on going. Only then are we able to see the butterfly of our dreams coming to life and taking flight.

I love you mom for showing me this through sister's what seemed like a childish and an improbable wish for a flower garden!

..................................

The following is a link to the post in original in the aforesaid blog:
SISTER'S FLOWER GARDEN

Let's Live!

If we always had what we wished for we would pretty soon get bored of wishing! It’s good that disappointment is a part of life. With disappointment there’s hope, hope for the fulfillment of it the next time around. And that’s what keeps us going… going through one more day of sunshine or rain… of laughter or pain. It’s true the heartaches become too real to bear sometimes. But, we must remember that in those moments we can feel truly alive. Life makes its presence felt more strongly. Even our heartbeat is audible to us!

It’s an amazing life! The fact that with pain we feel closer to living and more distant to it with joy is a strange irony. And since nothing is forever, every moment leaves an impression that stays in our mind though the moment is lost. Life is a story of all these moments and a memory that they form. So, let’s weave these moments into a life. Let’s live!

A Complete Living Moment

Life is a continuous process of growth. From what we were to where we are now and what will be in our future. It’s continuous and always flowing. The past, the present and the future always walk in tandem with each other at every moment of our existence. Perhaps beyond as well. Whatever we do we are always a part of our past, our present and our future. We are nothing but a continuous flow of all three. We can never live at any point in time in just one part of it. Even when we are thinking of our part or pondering about our future, reflecting on our mistakes or planning our days ahead, we still are in our present moment. We are the past, the future and the present. But they hardly exist in equilibrium in a single moment. There is always one which takes control and overshadows the other two. The past sometimes becomes too strong an influence on our present that we are not able to deal with the way our live is going in the moment. Then there are those moments when our future, the fear and apprehension of the unknown grips us so much so that we tend to lose our balance in life and forget to live the present at all. There are times too when we just while away our life in the present moment, harbouring no thought about where we have come from or think about where we are going. Balance in life comes only when they all exist in complete peace with each other. It’s like being a parent to three children, nurturing them and moulding them together in such a way that all three of them feel loved. Likewise, when all three, the past, the future and the present come together in a harmonious manner, with none of them intruding into the other’s space, a complete living moment exists. Most of the times we are searching for this moment in life but rarely do we find it, if at all.

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

What is success? Can it be measured? If it can be, how does one measure it? How much of it does one need to have to be called a ‘success’? Who decides who is successful or not? Who decides what success is? Who lays down the parameters of success? Is success a uniform thing? Is there a set way or technique to understand and know for certain if a person, a project or anything for that matter is a success or not? And if the answer is yes to all these questions, can it all be the same every time? Will the measurement, the technique, the deciding person or factor remain the same in every circumstance? No, it can’t be. It stands true for success as well.

What or who is a success? How much is a success? These are but dependent upon many factors – circumstances, social opinion, bias or impartiality of the person who judges the parameter of success and the field or area in which the success is being measured. Out of these, social opinion or the opinion and thoughts of the masses – the public – plays a very significant role. No matter how successful a person or a thing may be in the eyes of their family and among their circle of friends or by those associated with it respectively, it is but the ‘mass opinion’ and the acceptance of the population at large which decides or puts a stamp of approval to the success. So what is accepted in the society as success will be the standard or the level that one has to measure up to in order to be termed a success. And people’s opinion depends on the circumstances – the environment prevalent at that point of time – which would influence and guide the thoughts of the people. As such, the definition of success changes with time.

So, the best way to thrive for success is not to base it on how the society looks at it or judges it. But to seek one’s own opinion and compare the final outcome with what one had set out to at the onset of the task. In other words be your own judge of how much you have achieved and how successful you are in doing what you had planned to do. It may or may depend on how the society at large reacts or responds to it. Or it may depend solely on the people’s judgement. Key is to set your own parameters. For someone who has a target of selling three paintings, to have sold two would be a fair enough achievement. But it would count as nothing for someone who wants to sell hundreds of them. Most of the times we see people fail because they actually ‘fail’ to see that their success is a matter of how they see it and not how the people around them does. One just needs to be very clear about one’s idea of success and what definition it holds for them. Then work towards it. There is no greater failure than failing from one’s own standard and there is no greater success than succeeding on one’s own terms.

RABIPUR TO JAIPUR AND BACK TO RABIPUR AGAIN

So, did the dog bite actually act as a catalyst for my desire to get out of the city even if for a short while? Maybe yes! Blessing in disguise, I guess. But not really a happy route to achieve something one wants, considering not just the pain of the bite but the piercing of the needles as well. I got my injections not one but two at a time, one for tetanus and the other one 'Rabipur' for the dog bite itself. Both were intramuscular injections. I will have to admit it hurt being my first ever injection below the belt and the first one in years!

After my first Rabipur I was in Jaipur within a couple of days. I had thought of making the most of the 3 continuous holidays but also realised it would not be an easy task to carry out. It was all in my head.

Talked and thought it out with my friend Sunny from the night before to most part of the day. Another one of our friend, Pammi, later joined in. After much contemplation, deciding, not deciding, apprehension on my friend's part, hesitation for permission, almost 'no' permission to a 'yes' permission, not able to start in the evening itself to starting out late, a hell of a rain on the way to spooky roadways, almost running out of petrol to making it and more with the feared quantity, dread of a hot summery days to drizzly cold nights and day, running up the fort, feeling on top of the world, finding our 'sweet' spot to getting blown away by the 'top', misguiding an old fellow with a 1km scare to laughing our hearts out on the way back, extreme close-up of our filthy mouths to a 'night duel' on the bed, an impromptu climb up a rocky mountain to really feeling like on top of the world, a dead man on the highway to three 'just lived till exhausted' men on the way back home - it was simply a trip to remember.

Once back it was time to get going again, for the dog had bitten and gone, but I was still to pay for its deed. And this time, the nurse got me a little more pain than the last time. I wonder if they get a kick out of it? Perhaps they do. A little excitement in a mundane life is always a welcome change. Like our sojourn to the pink city added something to our lives and changed it in some way or the other. I have realised some things.

I have thought out a hell lot of other things. The unpredictability of life is what makes it worth living. The excitement is the highest when the predictability is the lowest. Once we set it in our minds, we will perhaps learn to live... not try to or yearn to... but live, in real.

And in those couple of days we perhaps lived in real. Although we are back to the realities of our own lives now, the feeling of having lived those moments would always see us through till another one of those trip comes to the rescue. So, cheers to the moments!

TO APPRECIATE LIFE FOR WHAT IT IS

It's when the bubble burst that I realised, I hadn't cried for long...
It's when the world crumbled that I realised, I wasn't so strong...

To know that nothing is perfect was the wisdom...
But I held on to the illusion of 'Perfection'...
illusion that filled the void in my life...
the void of unsettling dreams and uprooted relations...

As I step out and see what lies in front of me...
and truly feel the emotions within me...
I know I am not as prepared as I had thought I was...
and my mind's not as clear, it has its doubts...

The unexpected overwhelms me... and emotions have no rein on them...
What was guarded has been let loose...
What was shielded now lay broken...

But in all of these I have come to realise something else too...

The need to appreciate life for what it is..

to not be ashamed of it and hide it under cover..
cover of pretense and false strength...
to not just pretend to live and go through the motion...
but to truly see it and live it too, with all our hearts!!

WHY AND HOW ARE WE HERE? OR ANYWHERE?

Ever asked yourself the question of how and why you were here? And by here I mean wherever you are at this very moment when you're reading this or in a deeply philosophical way like trying to discover the mysteries of life... I have.. several times... and I bet you must have thought as well... several times!!

Like the question itself the answers are ambiguous! It depends on what kind of attitude you have towards your life at that particular moment. If I'm seriously into all the colours of blue and feeling all too blue as well, then ya it would be somewhat self-deprecating full of self-pity shit.. And in case I'm very optimistic and very positive then the answer could be something like we were meant to be.. we have our own purpose to fulfill on this earth.. and so on...

What would be my answer now? I'm half-witted and half-twisted right now... life's witty takes on me and its nonsensical twists and turns... you see!!

Check out how Calvin and Hobbes tackle this very issue below. When you have company, the questions and answers may not corroborate as well as in your own thoughts!!

(Calvin and Hobbes comic strip by Bill Watterson)

I WILL BE FINE...

Things could have been in order. Like the way it was done or like the way it unfolded. But it is impossible, unless one had taken the time out or actually got down to writing whatever one was feeling at that point in time. And since I haven't, whatever I write now will only be a reflection of what I feel at this moment.

So, what do I feel? I feel relieved. I feel sad. I feel happy. I feel depressed. I feel lost. I feel inspired. I feel every damn emotion there is to feel. And I have no clue how I have surpassed all these emotions in just a matter of few hours. If a film I saw moved me to tears. There has also been a song that reminded me of how uncertain and confused I can be. Then when I check my mails or read something in a blog, a different kind of emotion runs through me. There were times when I was pleasantly surprised to find a solution, quite unexpectedly, to something I had not had the time to look into. Few lines and sentences that motivated and inspired me just at the right time. Kept my hopes floating and helped me from drowning and letting it all go. Especially when I was sinking too deep into my own thoughts.

I cannot help but wonder if what we go through in life is but a series of moments that were so precisely set together like the pieces in a puzzle. And only when the pieces are coming together at a faster rate, one after the other, that one starts to sense it and wonder if life is really like a set of puzzle pieces.

With the way things have unfolded today. The way the moments came one after the other. The smooth transitions between them. The way it so effortlessly made me laugh and cry without letting me feel any contradiction or contrast whatsoever. It sure can make one wonder if the pieces were coming together quite fast, and one could somehow see the arrangement of things. Of how if one sees the signs and reads the lines, knows one's cues and takes the hints, one's life may just be set.

Of course the uncertainty and the knowledge that there can be no answer to these questions will take over again soon enough. But having lived this moment of realisation, even if it is of nothingness, makes me feel wherever I am going, I will be fine. Yes, I will be fine.

SWEET DREAMS ARE NOT REAL

When everything seems right, beware because something wrong is lurking around the corner, waiting for that opportune time when you'd have let go of your guard and thought nothing can go wrong. That's what happened to me today. The day began as usual, a little dreamy-eyed, a little lazy and a little late.

As the preparations for the new day set off, I could feel a sense of possibilities around me. I was happy and satisfied with the preparation of the day before, having learned from my mistakes. Things went smoothly. Laughter and smile spread all around with the dreams of the far away land. Alas! yielded to the sweetness of the unseen future all too soon.

So, it's a lesson well learned. A lesson to remind me of how things can get really messy and how screwed up it can make you feel. A lesson that was not easy to learn and will certainly be anything but easy to forget! A lesson, while on its way, gave me three days of hell and perhaps some scars as a testimony of my ignorance in the first place.

Sweet dreams are just not real. For dreams are never sweet. They are intangible and tasteless.

A LITTLE PATIENCE...

To not react instantly... to let it all sink in... to not avoid oneself from feeling frustrated and angry, but to not let it overrule one's sense of wisdom... and what is right and what is wrong... to not let a few moments ruin the hard work of long tiring days...

To go about one's daily routine... like one always did.. eat, sleep, listen to music, watch TV... to not make it hamper with the way life runs... to accept disappointments as a part of life... to not give it any special attention... to work things out slowly and surely as one gets to know it... to know the 'Whys' and 'Hows' and act accordingly...

The things a little patience can do! Let you feel calm and composed... stop you from making hasty mistakes... keep you from wandering off to the regret land...

Even though it seems to be doing its job perfectly well, the little patience in me, may soon lose all its patience if the new day brought no hope and kept no promises... After all like everything else, with time patience wears out too...

A FLICKER OF HOPE... JUST A FLICKER...

A flicker of hope is just that.. a 'flicker' of hope... after it is done flickering what is left is nothing but hopelessness and despair...

And as Benjamin wished for the inter-connected, inter-related events in the human lives to have connected and related just a few seconds earlier or a few seconds later in order for Daisy to have been saved... I too can't help but wish for things to have unfolded and curled back in, just a few seconds earlier or later than it actually did... then I would have said the hope was not just a 'flicker' but ever-burning light of my life...

But things are just the way they are... no matter how we run through it again and again and no matter how we try to picture it to be anything else but the way they are now..

So, raise a toast to a flicker that is still burning.. and to the hope that it may lit up again... soon... before the darkness consumes me...

BREAKDOWN OF A SAD SONG

They say it helps to break down... to let go of your feelings.. to surrender to them... Well, I just broke down. And it is not helping at all. All it is doing is making me feel empty inside... neither has the pain subsided, nor have the problems been solved.

All the silver-linings I could have, have proved to be no signs of the sunlight but another hint of the heavy downpour of problems coming my way! And to just realise how I never carry an umbrella, makes me smile wryly at my troubles... Any other day I'd have played in the rain, singing a song.. But today, the songs of the rain are sad.. a sad pitter-patter of a heart in sorrow and despair... unlike Gene Kelly's who sang a happy tune, hopping around in the rain!

So, come pour down on me when you are done playing with me... and I'll do my playing then. Till then the sad song continues...

Bon Voyage, My Friend!!

Being kind and generous. Being humble and grateful. Some of the simplest of things are the hardest to do. But the reward is enormous. The irony is, however, those who walk this path, long for no reward or recognition of their effort. The effort itself is a reward and the outcome its recognition.

Our daily lives are complicated. There's just too many struggle, too many disappointments and heartaches on the way. It is a great effort just to sustain a very simple and happy life. Finding happiness is not easy. Finding happiness in simple things all the more difficult. The method of our search for happiness. The means of achieving it. The ways of nurturing it. They all differ from one individual to the other. One thing is common, they all demand a lot of discipline and humility in us. Most are not able to do so. Not because we don't want happiness. But because we long for instant happiness. Something fast. Something quick. And what is achieved ever so swiftly must end as fast as it began.

It is not hard to do the simplest of things. What is hard, really is to do it persistently. To keep going at it no matter what obstacles may come our way. To know and to believe that it is the only way to live. We tend to, most of the times, keep something handy to fall back upon so that we have a way out if we are unable to follow the path we have chosen. But the very fact that we keep a back-up shows our lack of conviction in what we are doing. If we knew and we believe 'this' is the only way we know how to live, we will no matter what, live 'that' way. Survival is an instinct that has no match in any of the human emotions. So, we will live. We will survive.

Who doesn't have doubts? Who doesn't have fears? We all do. That's the very reason why we believe. If there were no doubts or fear in us, why would we even make an effort to embark on a journey. It is because the journey entails many uncertainties and hardships, that we believe in overcoming them all to finally reach our destination.

There is no end to a journey. The journey continues, like it always has been since ages. Only we stop to rest. As long as we travel, we will always know where to go. And as long as we are humble and kind, generous and grateful, the journey will only enrich us more.

Bon Voyage, My Friend!!

TO LOVE... TO BE FREE...

"Flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and clouds on the horizon..."*

Have I ever been so in love and been true in love? Have all the women I loved been loved so? Was I true to them all? Were they true to me as well? As I sit down and think about how and whom I have loved in this life, I cannot help but wonder.

If I never loved so, were my love not love at all? Were they mere imitations or shadows of what true love really is? If they were then did I cheat on the one I loved by not loving her true? Or was it really true love, since the knowledge of true love was not known to me and I loved the only way I knew how to love then? For even though, it did not work out after a while, at least it was good till it lasted. It was true to me then.

Love takes care of us, lead us and teach us as we discover it through the eyes of our beloved... through their touch... their smell... their voices... We may become experts in the ways of love, its many methods. But we can never be an expert in love. Love still makes us nervous, fills us with doubt, makes us laugh and cry. For we can never conquer love. It is love that conquers us.

Did all my love so far ended because I tried to possess them? To make it last a little longer than it was meant to be? Looking back now, it seems so vague and misty. It was so clear back then. We are sure of things as long as we are in the things. After we are out of them, we no longer seem to know if at all we were sure of them in the first place.

There were times when I loved and let it go, too soon. Had I held on to it for some more time, it would have been another story to tell today. There were times too when I just touched and teased the surface, but never felt the depth of love. Never took the plunge. Just flirted with the water standing on the shore. I would have known some other feeling today had I taken the plunge.

"...you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you.... I will always remember now that love is liberty..."*

If it sets you free, then know that it is love. Have I ever felt that freedom, that liberty? I am still doubting. I am still questioning. I am still afraid of how love may greet me someday. I am still learning to know how it feels to be in love. I am still hopeful.

Will I still me doubting, once I am face-to-face with what would set me free? I have lost love. Maybe that is why I am still filled with doubt. How would it be to love so true and yet not try to possess it? Not try to make it last or stay longer.

I now know, I have never loved truly before. For I have never felt free. And do I long to be free!

I can feel something coming. And like any other times, I am still being hopeful, it will set me free.


(*Excerpts from Paulo Coelho's 'Brida'. To know more about him, you can visit his official website, http://paulocoelho.com

ONE MORE? YA, SURE!!!

When your friends are in a generous mood it is always better to make the most of their generosity 'cause you never know when their mood might just start swinging!!

The first one was refreshing. Refreshing with a capital 'R'. Change always changes something or the other in you. It may lead you or put an end to something good or something bad. It may stir something in you. Fear. Doubt. Pleasure. Joy. Disgust. Anything. Any feeling in you. But that first one was refreshing for me. It felt good. It went down well with me. The first day of celebration, celebration of an end and a beginning. Good or bad. No idea. But it sure did feel refreshing.

The second one tasted sweet. Maybe the 'dew' overflowed a little. Maybe the sweet talk got to me. People say I am 'sweet'. How does it feel to be perceived as a sweet person? But first tell me, what makes a person sweet? Is it if one is easy with one's opinions and don't say or dare say what is exactly on his mind 'cause it would create some kind of a conflict? Is that how I see myself? To some extend yes. I do avoid conflict. It isn't easy really 'all-that-great' to see a fight erupt over something as trivial as 'Who put the papers on top of my table?' or something similar. It's just wastage of one's energy and precious time to argue over something like that. Then what is it that makes me sweet. Perhaps because it concerns me when I see somebody upset or when I see that someone is not really their own self. And if with few words or little gestures I can make someone else happy and in doing so if I become 'sweet' in their eyes than so be it. I mean, isn't the purpose of life to be 'happy'. No matter what you do or where you go to, the basic human need is just to be happy and feel joy within. We set goals and strive to achieve them only because we know that we would be happy when we have done that. The challenges of life may be many and varied but their treasure is just the same. Happiness is all we want, in the end.

The third one, didn't know where it went. It was the fourth that felt like a snap on my head. The drink was now working its, what shall I say, 'Magic!' It becomes essential sometimes to let life take its own course and let its many charms be revealed to you. It becomes essential, almost a necessity to let go... surrender sometimes. Let the universe guide you, hold you and take you to wherever it is that you need to be. Being in control and in power is a good feeling, no doubt. But there are times when it feels a lot better when you just surrender to the moment. After all control is only an illusion we have invented to have a sense of power over things we can't understand.

The fifth left a bitter after-taste. The sixth stood silent, unstirred and unshaken for a very long while. It isn't easy to do certain things again, after one has experienced displeasure doing it the last time. Doesn't matter if you have done it several times before. It's always the most recent one that matters, 'cause its memory is still very much fresh and alive in you. Almost as if it happened just a while ago. We hesitate sometimes. Become skeptical of certain things or events or people in our lives. It is natural. That doesn't mean we stop trying. But it also doesn't mean we rush into it without much care. Otherwise mistakes and misadventures would just be the same as any other experiences. They have to teach us and we need to learn from them. That's how we grow. Taking chances always, but with greater knowledge of what could fail.

I do not remember the seventh. I do not remember the eight. Was eight my last? Or are seventh and eight the same? Well, anyways. But I do remember the last. And it went all right in, in just a matter of seconds! There are times when we have to hurry things up. Be quick. Think fast. Act swift. No time to ponder or wonder how it would be. Just few fractions of a second to do so and do it right. And to stick to your judgement... your decision. If it works out. Fine. If it does not. Then well, you learn from it and do better the next time. Then there are times when hurrying things only ruins everything that we had done up till that very moment.

Then there are also times when all these talks make no sense and are of no use at all. In times like this, intelligent or philosophical, healing or spiritual, no conversation matters. Because you are so tired and exhausted that you simply want to fall down on your bed and die. And everything becomes... zzzzzzzzzzzzz

'Thank You For Your Contribution'

Five words that put an end to what my life was and heralded the beginning of a new one. It has been a quite and a smooth shift-over so far. Nothing fancy. Nothing hurried. Like a slow transition. Learning to adapt to this phase of my life. Learning to adapt to myself in this frame of mind and in this state of being. Life has a way of throwing many surprises at you. Most of which are so unexpected. I know surprises are 'always' meant to be unexpected. But there are some which somehow or the other we have a slight idea or clue about how it is going to come to us and finally unfold in front of us. Then there are those which has an immediate and sudden effect on us, like a sharp turn on a road or the corner of a building, not knowing who or what will hit us.

My experiments with my life... that is what I have set out to do and perhaps write about. Is my life any different from any one of you. Perhaps not. Is it special or extraordinary. I dare say not. It is in fact as simple, humble, dull and mundane a life you can ever witness. So, why would you be interested in knowing or even reading about it. I never said you'd be. But if you are still reading then doesn't my life count for something to you already?

Our lives are not ours. It never is and never has been. Then why even stake a claim to own it. Our lives are intercepted, intersected and interconnected with thousands and thousands of lives that are running parallel in this universe. Each life gives some part of its existence to another it encounters, deliberately or unknowingly. Each man lives a thousand life in his lifetime.

Which way will I turn to? Which road will I travel? Which path will I choose? Nothing decided. Nothing certain. It takes only a single morning, evening or night to know where my life will take me. And when I know, I won't wait. I will just start and go...